Effective Leadership is Tough; Measuring It Does Not Have to Be!

As someone who has spent most of their adult life and professional career studying, teaching, and coaching around what constitutes effective leadership, you have a tendency to read a few things about it. Often you are exposed to a great deal of academic and practitioner angst around how does one measure effective leadership? I think we have greatly over-thought this concept. In reality there is really one key metric as to whether or not you are an effective leader!

Before I offer such a cloud-parting revelation, however, I need to share some numbers of why we desperately need to keep struggling with the concept and practice of effective leadership. According to Gallup in their outstanding State of the American and Global Workplace reports (available as free downloads, by the way!), 80% of the global workforce is engaged in what pundits have called “quiet quitting”. Now sometimes there is nothing quiet about it but essentially this is a work posture where employees are putting in minimal effort, going through the motions, and are certainly not engaged in their work. Further, according to Gallup, this lack of employee engagement or quiet quitting costs the global economy over $9 Trillion annually – that is 9% of the total Global GDP! Certainly, this is a cause for alarm, but the kind of good news is that Gallup has found that the #1 factor that can reverse such lack of engagement is the quality of leadership an employee receives in the workplace. In fact, the Gallup researchers are so sure of their results, they published a book called, It’s The Manager. Now I say this is kind of good news because such results are predicated on the leader being effective in their role in the first place!

A few months ago, I had an opportunity to speak to the Southern Seven chapter of the Young President’s Organization. This is a group of business owners that must have at least 50 full-time employees as part of their headcount. It was a great group but at one point in my talk I offered them the following, “There is no such thing as a neutral life. As a leader you are either making things better or you are not”. . . . and the room got very quiet (as a side commentary, there is something very freeing to be speaking from a posture of conviction versus trying to develop business!). John Maxwell shares in one of his latest books The 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication, that “a different world cannot be built by indifferent people”. Clearly, we have much work to do in our leadership journey in that one additional data point of concern is that according to LinkedIn, 80% of working professionals report feelings of the “Sunday Scaries” or feelings of dread of having to go back to work on Monday to face an ineffective, or worse, leader. Here’s the thing, work does not make people unhappy, the workplace does. Again, either you are making things better or you are not!

I think part of the problem is that the leadership development industry has generated so many models, 2X2 matrices, assessments, performance indicators, etc. that we have truly lost sight of what is most important. This leads me to my blog title in that measuring our effectiveness as leaders is really quite simple. The one indicator of success that you really need to attend to is inspired by the work of Robert Greenleaf. Greenleaf shared that if you want to know and measure the effectiveness of a leader, just observe their followers! Specifically, if your people are happier, wiser, more capable, or more prosperous then you are an effective leader! At that point, it does not matter how you got there or what theory you subscribed to, it is the simple fact that you made things better! I believe that if we practice what Steven Covey called “working with the end in mind” and use the flourishing of our people as the yardstick by which we measure our leadership effectiveness, then I can guarantee we can create workplaces people will not dread but genuinely look forward to coming to on Monday! You see it is not the “how” of our leadership that matters most, it is the “what”, or better yet, the “who”!

To be clear, results and accomplishment do matter. After all, that is why we lead in the first place. The point I want to stress is that when we take care of our people, the business will take care of itself. Again, it's not the work, it's the workplace. In fact, Daniel Pink's research shows that we as humans are hard wired to be productive. People want to engage in meaningful and productive work, they just need to have the autonomy, connections, and equipping to do so. 

Recently I lost my college roommate who remained one of my best friends. Whereas his death was sudden and tragic, I was proud to have claimed the friendship of one of those too rare individuals that improved EVERY individual who came into the orbit of his life. As per the metric presented, I was one of those individuals who became wiser, happier, and more capable due to his leadership. 

Do me a favor, ask yourself this question this week and observe where it leads you. What is one thing you can do this week to help your team members flourish? I would greatly enjoy hearing your results! 

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with Maxwell Leadership^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

Who’s Looking Out for YOU?

Recently I had the opportunity to speak to a group of 175 business leaders of small and medium-sized organizations. The speaker prior to me told a fascinating story of rapid growth and success. That was all well and good, but I couldn’t help thinking out loud that whereas a lot of people were involved with them, no one was looking out for them!

Allow me to expand up this story but I will omit all the names to protect privacy. As I mentioned, I was the second speaker of the day, but the first speaker was this incredibly energetic leader. They had grown their start-up focused on an emerging technology to one of the most promising in the Southeast raising over $1 billion in capital in an incredibly short time frame. They are the start-up poster child – young, attractive, smart as a whip, incredibly well-spoken, engaging and persuasive with just enough edge to them. They were also the epitome of what entrepreneurs hope for. Rapid scaling, hockey stick growth, angel investors standing in line to throw money at the enterprise, and almost instant rock-star status with the business press. Sounds great, right?

The story took a serious turn, though, when they shared that eventually they found themselves in a precarious health situation and literally almost worked themselves to death! The resulting stress and lack of support landed them in a three-month hospital stay. Fortunately, they made a full recovery but as I was listening to their story, they kept referencing a series of advisors and investors they would interact with, however, as a leadership coach, I wanted to ask the question, “Were any of these advisors, advocates?” I am sure they were quick to offer business advice (mostly to protect their own interests) but surely one of them could see what was happening to this gifted leader. You would think they would have noticed the physical decline and the subsequent drop in performance and offered assistance. Now perhaps one or more of them eventually did, but it just appeared to be a little too little too late.

I wanted to ask another question that I am asking you now. This individual, like you, has a lot of people wanting something from you and/or is depending on you, but who is looking out for you?! Granted, when we put ourselves in leadership roles, a certain degree of expectation is to be anticipated. This is what John Maxwell refers to a Level 3 Leader where you are recognized as high-potential due to your competence and what you have given or produced to an enterprise. Eventually, however, if we do not receive, then we can end up in such dire straights as described above. Perhaps if they had a personal board of directors versus just a corporate board, then the situation could have been avoided.

I was first introduced to the concept of a Personal Board of Directors by author and speaker, Dr. Tim Elmore. During a seminar, Tim described a group of individuals who were pivotal in certain key aspects of his life that could provide expertise and support in areas such as his business, faith walk, family strength, personal finances, etc.

Much like an executive coach, a Personal Board of Directors is intended to focus on you. Keep in mind, though, that whereas the focus is on you it is not intended to enable self-indulgent frailty. The purpose of such a board is so that you can grow stronger, more resilient, and more knowledgeable so that you, in turn, can do that for others. Leadership is ALWAYS about improving the condition of others.

Author Jeff Henderson outlines this concept in his book, What’s Next? and provides guidance around how to develop your own board of directors:

Purpose: you are not meeting to meet, rather the purpose is to help you in your decision making, leadership, and effectiveness.

Guidelines: in establishing the Personal Board of Directors, you should adopt key postures to make the relationship mutually beneficial.

• Ask the right questions. Are you being strategic with their time?
• Clarify for yourself a realistic expectation. Your goal is improvement, not perfection!
• Nurture a learner’s mindset.
• Respect but don’t idolize your board members.
• Apply what you learn and tell them how and when you did!
• Reward your Board’s investment in you by getting better.

Who: this is entirely up to you, but the most important decision you will make in this process. Jeff recommends those men and women who are older, wiser, and more experienced. 3 – 5 seems to be the ideal number of advisors at any given time. Write out a few bullet points of what you are looking for in an advisor to increase the likelihood this will actually manifest. Ask yourself key questions as you consider who you would like to ask.

• Who believes in you?
• Who has time for you?
• Who encourages you?
• Who will speak truth to you?
• Who will challenge you?

Time: a consistent meeting cadence of meeting once every six weeks for 12 months is recommended. Offer to buy the coffee, breakfast, lunch, or dinner!

Agenda: it is your responsibility to be prepared for these meetings. Leadership expert and author John Maxwell was mentored by the legendary coach, John Wooden. Maxwell shares that every time he met with Coach Wooden, he would have legal pad of questions prepared. Here are a few suggestions for you to share and ask:

• What you are excited about.
• What you are worried about.
• One area you need the most help with at the time of the meeting.
• What would you do if you were me?

Whereas the story I shared in this blog is compelling, it is not unique. If you read enough profiles of successful business leaders, you will find this is an all-too-common theme of leaders burning themselves out because the people around them were advisers but not advocates. There is also the recurring theme of these same leaders eventually relying on sages and guides to help them through their “hero’s journey”, to get their lives back in balance.

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

 What do you do when you start to lose your mentors?

All things considered, the past couple of years have been pretty good. I continue to work with a great team of professionals, have the opportunity to coach and mentor some of the most amazing student/clients I could ever wish for, and have discovered the joys of rural life. The only drawback is that I have more recently lost some folks that were very important to me and my development as a professional and person. This got me thinking out loud about what do you do when you start to lose your mentors?

In all seriousness, growing older isn’t too bad if you do not mind the mysterious aches and pains that emerge more readily after a workout, yard work, walking to the mailbox, waking up, etc. I have found myself vocalizing a whole new set of “dad noises” just getting in and out of chairs that I am sure amuses many! Otherwise, you appreciate the knowledge and wisdom that walking around on the planet for awhile provides. The only real draw back is that as you age, so do the people around you. Inevitably, you start to lose those mentors and guides that were so important to your development. This can include a whole cast of characters such as former faculty, work mentors, collaborators, parents, and people that saw something in you that was worth investing in along the way. As I mentioned, though, the past year or so has been acute in the loss of such important people in my life.

So, what do you do when you start to lose those important mentors? Obviously, I have been thinking about this and I believe the answer lies in the past, present, and future.

The Past –

I often observe that the past is to be learned from, not lived in! Whereas that is true, the past can help in several ways.

The Memories of the Mentor – your memories of a mentor can have sustained impact. I once I heard a line from a movie that stated, “What we do in life echoes through eternity.” Mentors are eternal. I can still recall a number of both challenge and support conversations from people that invested in me. Their words and wisdom are just as relevant today as they were when they were first gifted to me years ago.

The Ideals of the Mentor – I once heard author and leadership expert John Maxwell share that the best gift you can give someone is your good example. The ideals of my mentors still influence and guide me. They are just as relevant now in my development as they were years ago. The ideals and values of my mentors and sages continue to provide my moral north star as to how I should act and treat others, how I should carry myself, what I should stand for and what I should not abide. Just being in the presence of these people was incredibly instructive.

The Belief of the Mentor – Mentors certainly believe in you but sometimes they believe with and for you, even when you did not believe in yourself. The very act of someone investing in you, spending time with you, pouring into you (often when you did not deserve or appreciate it at the time) is without a doubt life changing and life sustaining. Research shows how important a supportive environment is to the development of an individual. It is the very mechanism of both challenge and support that helps us grow into productive and healthy individuals. Mentors do that for us. Mentors insure that for us.

The Present –

The past always leads us into and informs the present. I think that inevitably, the cycle of life and maturation leads you to a point where it is now your turn. In other words, when you reach an age and stage in life where you start to lose your mentors, that is universe’s way of telling you it is now your turn to mentor, to guide, to believe in, with, and for. It’s time to pick up the mantle you have been given but rest assured, you are ready due to what mentors do for us. Just think about it. You have been:

Poured Into – As mentioned, you have been poured into. You have had people share their life and experience. They have helped you avoid their mistakes and beliefs that do not serve us. They have cared for you, encouraged you, and sustained you. They have been there for your questions, dispensed knowledge and advice, brokered introductions and provided resources. You are now tasked to do that for others.

Equipped – What has been poured into you has equipped you. You have been given strategies, resources, tools, short-cuts, and skills to help you be successful. You have been provided practical advice and a whole host of “how to’s” to allow you to make your way in the world. You have been provided literal and metaphorical road maps of how to navigate work and life challenges.

Prepared – All of what a mentor has provided you has prepared you to meet life’s challenges and thrive. They probably did not share with you everything they knew (we all like to keep a few tricks up our sleeves!) but your mentors have provided what you needed to be successful. They have provided you with their time, treasure, and energy with the hope and expectation that you will do something with such gifts to not only benefit you but those around you. They gave without expectation of reciprocation but with the great hope that their investment would pay off in a better world.

The Future –

All of the preceding leads us to what’s next. I recently shared to a group of business owners and entrepreneurs that as leaders, everyone who comes into the orbit of our life deserves the best parts of us! That is simply the price of being given the permission and privilege of leading others. Of having others place their trust, hopes, and aspirations in you.

Again, when you start to lose your mentors, that becomes the marker that it is now your turn to mentor. You have been given much, so what will you do with that? I encourage you to start where you are and do what you can. Examples include:

·         Identify emerging influencers that would benefit from what you know, who you are, and what you can do!

·         Volunteer to work with or start an employee interest group at your own employer.

·         I believe that when you know how to do something very well, you have a responsibility to teach others how to do that.

·         Speak, blog, write, whatever you can do to extend your reach (that’s the whole point of this blog, to continue to mentor and encourage past, present, and future generations of students, colleagues, clients, etc.!)

·         Give generously your time, treasure, and presence.

·         Value the mentors you have now.

·         Encourage more than you criticize.

·         Don’t worry if you think the world needs what you have to offer, trust me, it does!

The cycle of life can be bittersweet. Maybe one of the best ways to honor and celebrate the lives of those that enhanced yours is to pay it all forward and “leave the camp site better than how you found it!” Raise a glass to absent companions and buy a round for those that are with you now and right in front of you. I promise you, it’s YOU they have been waiting for.  So, here’s to you and thank you, Dad, Mr. B, Rick, Ms. Lampman, Ted and Roger. This one is for you.

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

Not at altitude? I have two questions.

As someone who has spent his entire adult life, mentoring, training, and coaching leaders, it is incredibly gratifying to help someone reach new heights and grow into their potential. Every now and then, however, I observe that someone may hesitate, pause, or stay in a “holding pattern.” Now there can be a number of reasons for this but when I do notice a leader is not at altitude, I get to thinking out loud about why this is. If anything, a coach is a curious creature so then I may ask one of two questions.

Before I reveal these questions, I want to share a great insight from Master Coach and former Maxwell Leadership coaching faculty lead, Christian Simpson. Christian Simpson is from the UK but has developed a world-wide executive coaching practice. I recently heard Chris share that the power of coaching is that coaches ask us questions we will not or cannot ask ourselves! It is not through any of coach’s insights rather through the questions that are asked that promotes self-reflection and subsequent growth.

So now for the two questions. When I observe a leader who is not operating to their potential or temporarily in a holding pattern, I will ask them a question they will not or cannot ask themselves:

What are you not attempting?

One reason why we do not attempt to reach beyond ourselves is the self-defeating beliefs we place on ourselves. Trust me, these beliefs are of our own maintaining, but they are rarely of our own creation. Past challenges, childhood experiences, lack of supportive people around us are often the sources of self-defeating beliefs. Such past conditions we cannot help but the problem becomes when we hold onto them. We come to believe and thus behave, as if this is our reality. This is all we are ever going to be, do, or know. But is it really? Just because we tried and were unsuccessful once does not mean we will not succeed again!

I have often shared that the words we say to ourselves are both the source and solution for defeating the imposter syndrome which is anchored in self-defeating thoughts and eventual beliefs. The problem is that according to sport performance coach, Trevor Moawad, negative thoughts and self-defeating statements are 5X more impactful than positive ones. We convince ourselves that we cannot do remarkable things; thus, we do not attempt to do so. This is a text-book example of what Christian Simpson teaches about how our thoughts facilitate our beliefs that in turn drive our behaviors and impact our eventual results. Let me share a simple reinforcing graphic below:

Thoughts > Beliefs > Behaviors > Results

In such a scenario, the goal is to break this cascading negative chain at its source – the thoughts we perpetuate about ourselves that inform the beliefs we hold about ourselves. If you find yourself in such a self-perpetuating negative spiral, ask yourself a few questions:

Why am I thinking this about myself?

What evidence confirms or disputes these self-defeating beliefs?

(my experience is when an individual really stops and considers this question objectively, they often discover more evidence to dispute and disrupt such negative thinking because the inventory of wins and success far surpasses the failures and disappointments!)

What would it be like if I focused on the positives versus the negatives?

What am I not attempting because of the (often inaccurate) thoughts I hold about myself?

I am often inspired by stories that demonstrate the potential found in the human spirit. Recently I watched a movie, 14 Peaks: Nothing is Impossible. This true story focuses on Nimsdai Purja who along with a team of his fellow Nepalese climbers scaled all the world’s 14 peaks over 8,000 meters in 6 months and 6 days. This was an incredible feat in light of the fact that the last person to accomplish this took 16 years to do so! Friends and observers throughout the movie shared how Nimsdai’s most powerful attribute was the positive attitude he held about himself and his cause.

What could yours be?

What are you holding back?

This second question is an interesting one in that it brings to light self-limiting beliefs. The difference here is that such beliefs are held by otherwise confident and self-empowered individuals. They are assured of their skill sets, know their strengths and assets, and certainly recognize that their past accomplishment is a predictor of future success. For some reason though, they engage in what can be described as “station keeping” or a holding pattern. They do not fail but neither do they succeed at the altitudes they are truly capable of. It is as if they are waiting for something. They are inexplicably holding themselves back. Perhaps they are waiting for the perfect conditions or opportunities to manifest, but the challenge is that is a passive posture. While they are waiting for the ideal, they are missing out on the opportunities that are right in front of them.

I have asked many of a student and client, “What are you waiting for?” Immediately, they provide a litany of self-limiting reasons such as not enough time, this would mean more work, or a desire to master the present before moving on to the future. The problem with such rationalizations is that you can find yourself waiting a long time. Inevitably, that same person will get back to me a few weeks later and say something to the effect of “you know, I was thinking about what I was waiting for, and for the life of me, I couldn’t think of one truly valid reason.” This is an incredibly important insight because as the late Richard Bole, author of What Color is Your Parachute shared, “we must define our lives now or life’s inertia will certainly do it for us!”

It is my belief that if there is something we truly want, then we will find the energy, time, and will do it, much like Nimsdai Purja. You see, it is the foundational things that fuel accomplishment that are always in abundant supply. We will always find the emotional, psychological, and physical energy to gain that we truly want.

If you find yourself in such a holding pattern, try asking yourself these questions:

What am I waiting for?

What do I need in the future that I do not already have now?

Is the knowledge, energy, time, etc. that I am thinking I need really a restraining element or just an excuse?

What would happen if I just created some movement in the direction of this new goal or aspiration?

Now more than ever, we need leaders who can operate at altitude. They can see the bigger picture, beyond narrowly defined options and cynical partisanship. They can think of solutions that benefit all of us and not just some of us. They can operate under a “both, and” mentality versus the opportunity crushing “either, or.” We need leaders who can see beyond the immediate and project solutions for the future. We need leaders to ask their students, teams, and colleagues questions they will not or cannot ask themselves. We need leaders who will encourage us to attempt and challenge us to not hold back.

So, what are you not attempting? What are you holding back?

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

The two-word phrase that is holding you back!

 

The two-word phrase that is holding you back!

As a coach and trainer, it is imperative that I not only listen to my students and clients, but that I attend to specific word-use. It is very the words that we use and often tell ourselves that can and does have a significant impact on how we view our potential, progress, and very futures. I was thinking out loud about this when it suddenly occurred to me after a number of interactions that there is a subtle, yet incredibly limiting two-word phrase that limits us – “Yes, but.”

One of the key components in executive coaching is developing options in conjunction with the client in light of certain scenarios. More often than not, this can be an effective strategy but sometimes the options intended to move us forward can be derailed by a simple “yes, but.” For instance, we may be talking about a work reorganization or task work around and then all of a sudden the “yes, but” manifests. Yes, but my manager will never go for this. Yes, but I am not sure the resources are there. Yes, but it will create too much change. See how this works? Before we have even explored possibilities we have defaulted back to probabilities. Before we have even seriously considered the viability of an idea, a path forward, or a new reality, we have stopped any forward progress in its tracks, all because of this simple yet self-limiting two-word phrase.

What makes this challenging is the almost unconscious two-word interplay. The “yes” indicates a cognitive agreement that the option or new strategy is a good idea, necessary, or even viable. However, the “but” stops us cold. It causes us to immediately shut-down progress since all we can perceive is the downside. This is a classic problem-identification versus problem-solving mindset. What makes this even more self-defeating is that such, “but” beliefs are often not grounded in a firm reality. They are just what we believe may happen versus what actually will. How do you know your manager will be opposed to the idea without even hearing your proposal? Are you sure you the resources are not there? Maybe folks will actually welcome a change!

Allow me to present another strategy proposed by Shirzad Charmine, author of Positive Intelligence. Shirzad encourages us to break our “yes, but” programming and try a new phrase instead “Yes, and.” YES this could work AND I am going to present a one-page summary of the idea to my manager. YES, we are resource strapped AND I will come up with a way to scale this idea to implement in phases. YES, this is a good idea AND I know just who to talk to in order to get the buy-in for the change. See how this works? One approach is self-defeating while the other is self-empowering!

According to Gallup, strengths-based development is contrary to this “yes, but” mentality. Essentially, identifying the downside of every possibility may prevent failure but a “yes, and” mindset leads to success. Again, it is all about a change in perspective. Are you playing to win or simply playing not to lose? I encourage a bit of self-coaching the next time you are encountering a possibility. Yes, I would like a promotion but I am not sure I am qualified – as I am constantly telling my students and clients, it is someone else’s job to tell you “no.” Yes, I would like to take on a leadership role but I am not sure I am ready – trust me, no one is fully prepared to take on the responsibility for the lives of others and as long as you lead with positive intent, you will be more than ready enough!

In the final analysis, words have power and the words we tell ourselves have tremendous influence on our self-perception that impacts our behaviors and eventually our results. Often it is not other people or situations that hold us back, it is our very self-limiting behaviors and mindsets that do. Try this for just a few weeks. The next time you catch yourself using the “yes, but” phrase, stop yourself and substitute a “yes, and” alternative. See what happens!

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

If we’re not careful, we will all end up with volleyballs as our best friends!

As new variants of the Covid virus continue to assault our planet, we are in peril again of becoming self-stranding cast aways again due to either government fiat or self-imposed isolation. This has me thinking out loud about the costs of continuous solitary living to the point I am worried we will end up like the Tom Hanks’s character in the film Cast Away where his only friend was an inanimate object in the form of a volleyball that he named Wilson!

The mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical costs associated with loneliness and isolation has been well documented. The recent impacts of Covid has only accentuated such impacts. According to KFF, the imposed social isolation has led to depression and anxiety rates increasing by 32%, alcohol use and substance abuse has increased by 12%, and 4 in 10 adults experienced increased anxiety and depression during the pandemic. Additionally troubling is that the rate of drug overdoses are up 29% from pre-Covid rates. The impacts of peer isolation has been especially harmful to children and adolescents.

In a recent article, reporter Ann Schmidt highlighted a study from the Survey Center of American Life that as a society, we are experiencing a “friendship recession.” Such a friendship deficit has hit American men particularly hard. In 2021, only 27% of men report having at least 6 close friends, down from 55% in 1990!

I would propose that we cannot sustain such deficits of human connection. At our lowest denominator, we were designed to be social animals. As the data shared above indicates, we were not designed to live in isolation from one another. The benefits of fellowship with other humans is incalculable.

We are smarter together – as I often share, I learn more from my students and clients than I can ever learn left to my own devices. The information, perspectives, and experiences of others is a treasure trove of wisdom and information for me.

We are happier together – now I have been known to crack myself up from time to time, but I have never laughed as hard or as long when as when I am with other people. You can observe this among children as they play together and experience a phenomenon referred to “group glee.” Their joy and enthusiasm becomes contagious to the point where they are laughing and happy for the sheer enjoyment of being together. The same holds true for adults, it just takes us a little longer to get there.

We are stronger together – I need to confess that I have often struggled with the term “self-care.” To me it just reeked of fragility and self-indulgence. As I have started to think about this concept more, however, I arrived at the conclusion that the primary reason that we need more of a focus on self-care is that we do not have enough people in our lives who actually do care! We have allowed technology, distance, and fear to separate us from each other. If you extend my logic, what made the Greatest Generation so great is that they were not so separated and distant from each other. Prior to WWII, nuclear families lived in close proximity to each other, often in the same house or at least, same acreage. Friends were truly life-long in that they grew up and spent most of their lives with the same group of people. Author Justin Camp describes the value of such proximate and genuine relationships between people as “Connected Ruggedness.”

Much in the same way as the solid connections to each allowed that great generation to face and defeat the tyranny of the Axis-aligned nations, it will be our own “connected ruggedness” that will allow us to face the challenges that face us now. Their connections to each other made each other strong and brave, and now we need reconnect to each other to do the same. But we have to build back or in many cases, create those connections and that is where we as leaders come in!

Broker Connections – as a leader, you are in the unique position to know a lot of different people from disparate organizations. Take every opportunity you can to introduce a team member to another who has similar interests or is trying to solve the same problem. This starts with making sure the connections within your own team are strong.

Broker Interactions – This can be a challenge if you lead a global team across different time-zones, but it is not impossible. With just a little creative scheduling, you can create virtual experiences that allow team members to get to know each other as people versus a screen-name. As a coach and trainer, of course I am going to recommend something other than a work-related topic. Instead, use such time for a professional development workshop or group building engagement.

Broker Authenticity – You may have heard the phrase that “you can be lonely in a crowded room.” This is because unless we make a concerted effort to genuinely and authentically get to know each other, we might as well be on back on our own islands talking to our good friend Wilson. This is where you as a leader can provide the gift of your own great example by going first! Now I am not talking about divulging your deepest secrets but just talk with people and not at them. Ask them how their day is going, what are they dealing with, what you have been experiencing, etc. The work will still get done, just invest a few minutes in helping make it easier. As pastor and leadership expert Andy Stanley shares, you do not need to fill someone else’s cup, just empty yours!

I get it. People are sometimes messy. Gallup even reported that one of the challenges for returning to hybrid or in-person work is that we now have to re-learn how to deal with each other in the same physical proximity! As humans, we are incredibly adaptable, but we should not get too comfortable living and working isolated from each other. This is not something we should “get used to” nor should any entity continuously force us to do so. The cost is just too great.

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

 

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

Team members do not need leaders who are bigger than life, they just need ones that care about theirs!

I often get feedback from people when they are surprised to hear me say that some of the best leaders I know are introverts or people who are not as socially outgoing (one does not necessarily equal the other, by the way!) as leaders who have bigger personalities. This surprise is based upon the mistaken belief that personality equals leadership. In fact, I have known a lot of people who can fill a room, but in reality they just fill the hearts of their followers with dread as soon as they walk in. This gets me thinking out loud that team members do not need leaders who are bigger than life, they just need ones to care about theirs!

One of the rookie mistakes that just about every newly hired or promoted team leader makes and believe me I have made just about all of them, is that they believe they have to take on some kind of leadership persona. They feel that effective leadership now requires some kind of image management process where they act or even speak differently than they normally do or did. They believe that the workplace is now some kind of theater-in-the-round where they are playing a leadership character versus building solid character traits. The problem is that such manufactured mannerisms come across as inauthentic at best and condescending at worst. Trust me, our work environments would not be quite the dumpster fire too many are if leaders would focus less on building their leadership personas and focus more on being an exceptional person.

So, if you happen to have a naturally expansive personality, or even if you do not, that is fine. All I am asking is that we change the paradigm. Focus on proving yourself to your followers versus the other way around or expecting them to be impressed by you. There are many ways to do this but here are a few actionable strategies.

Do Something Public – Now on the surface, this strategy reads contradictory at first but, again, it is a matter how where the focus goes. During team meetings, tell their story, not yours. One of the biggest compliments I ever received is from a team member who told me they appreciated the fact I told their story. I would often share testimonials, accomplishments, and shout outs that team members received. This was just one lesson learned on the journey to be a better leader. It taught me that true leadership is about who you lift-up, not who you overshadow.

Do Something in Private – Complete some act of kindness or encouragement for someone on your team. Tell no one else about it including them if possible. Refresh their work-space, bring in a catered lunch for your team, complete a report or brief assignment on their behalf, or write a long overdue note of appreciation. In fact, the more anonymous the better. Just doing something positive for someone else without any expectation of gratitude or notoriety is the purest form of giving.

Do Something by Design – Here’s a little homework, in the next two weeks, do something specific and actionable that will be of assistance to a team member or colleague. According to leadership guru and author John Maxwell, leaders who detract from their teams, usually do so out of carelessness or care lessness, rather than any planned malice. On the other hand, leaders who add value to their followers do so with great intent with a specific outcome in mind. This should be some act that is incredibly personalized and customized to the team member. Something that demonstrates you are paying attention and know them well enough to the point that what you do will have significant meaning to them. The very reason that why I share some of the best leaders I know are introverts is due to their ability to focus on what matters most in and for others. They pay attention to the small things that produce huge results in both their work and relationships.

Do Something by Default – We all have default settings, what are yours? When there is an issue at work, is it your first reaction to blame a team member or ask a team member what happened? Is your default setting to assume the worst of someone or believe in their best? Do you treat team members as employees or as the leaders they are too? Can your default setting be to ask a team member to demonstrate their knowledge as opposed to sharing yours? One of the best things we can do as leaders is to periodically check our default settings. Just like for our computers, our default settings need to be amended from time to time to adjust to new people and situations.

Do Something Easy – Granted, a lot of what I have presented is pretty dramatic but never underestimate the power of the easy stuff and the simple things! Spending a few extra minutes to wish your team good morning (or good evening if you lead a global team!) before you start your day in your physical or virtual office will go a long way. Being open to interruptions can produce great opportunities to interact and mentor. Sending quick “good job” emails that outline in detail what was so good about it can be both affirming and instructional.

Do Something Hard – Okay, let’s assume you are reading this and disagree with everything I have written to this point. You may be thinking, “Bill, I am just a bigger than life kind of person. I have a big personality and I cannot or will not throttle down.” All right sport, I will take you at your word. You’re telling me you are some kind of bad a_ _ leader? I will call your leadership prowess and raise you a gut check to see if you really want to lead or you just want the title. Go ahead, take your shot and do something difficult for a team member! When you do something big on behalf of someone else that will be inconvenient for you, difficult for you, or something that no one else but you can do, then you really become bigger than life at least in their eyes! Perhaps it is a skip-level promotion, maybe it's extending PTO so they can take care of a family member or advocating on their behalf for a role even if it means they will leave your team. If you have the leadership chops, then don’t talk about it, be all about it.

Okay, now maybe I am being the dramatic one but that does not mean I am wrong. In the Five Levels of Leadership, John Maxwell shares leaders who have achieved Level 5 status have done so because of who they are versus their titles or even their many accomplishments. Their character and generous nature are such that people are drawn to them. The difference is that such leaders are bigger than life in the eyes of others and not their own!  It is my belief you can be that kind of person. In fact, I am begging you to be because the world needs that kind of leadership now more than ever.

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

 

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc