What do you do when you start to lose your mentors?

All things considered, the past couple of years have been pretty good. I continue to work with a great team of professionals, have the opportunity to coach and mentor some of the most amazing student/clients I could ever wish for, and have discovered the joys of rural life. The only drawback is that I have more recently lost some folks that were very important to me and my development as a professional and person. This got me thinking out loud about what do you do when you start to lose your mentors?

In all seriousness, growing older isn’t too bad if you do not mind the mysterious aches and pains that emerge more readily after a workout, yard work, walking to the mailbox, waking up, etc. I have found myself vocalizing a whole new set of “dad noises” just getting in and out of chairs that I am sure amuses many! Otherwise, you appreciate the knowledge and wisdom that walking around on the planet for awhile provides. The only real draw back is that as you age, so do the people around you. Inevitably, you start to lose those mentors and guides that were so important to your development. This can include a whole cast of characters such as former faculty, work mentors, collaborators, parents, and people that saw something in you that was worth investing in along the way. As I mentioned, though, the past year or so has been acute in the loss of such important people in my life.

So, what do you do when you start to lose those important mentors? Obviously, I have been thinking about this and I believe the answer lies in the past, present, and future.

The Past –

I often observe that the past is to be learned from, not lived in! Whereas that is true, the past can help in several ways.

The Memories of the Mentor – your memories of a mentor can have sustained impact. I once I heard a line from a movie that stated, “What we do in life echoes through eternity.” Mentors are eternal. I can still recall a number of both challenge and support conversations from people that invested in me. Their words and wisdom are just as relevant today as they were when they were first gifted to me years ago.

The Ideals of the Mentor – I once heard author and leadership expert John Maxwell share that the best gift you can give someone is your good example. The ideals of my mentors still influence and guide me. They are just as relevant now in my development as they were years ago. The ideals and values of my mentors and sages continue to provide my moral north star as to how I should act and treat others, how I should carry myself, what I should stand for and what I should not abide. Just being in the presence of these people was incredibly instructive.

The Belief of the Mentor – Mentors certainly believe in you but sometimes they believe with and for you, even when you did not believe in yourself. The very act of someone investing in you, spending time with you, pouring into you (often when you did not deserve or appreciate it at the time) is without a doubt life changing and life sustaining. Research shows how important a supportive environment is to the development of an individual. It is the very mechanism of both challenge and support that helps us grow into productive and healthy individuals. Mentors do that for us. Mentors insure that for us.

The Present –

The past always leads us into and informs the present. I think that inevitably, the cycle of life and maturation leads you to a point where it is now your turn. In other words, when you reach an age and stage in life where you start to lose your mentors, that is universe’s way of telling you it is now your turn to mentor, to guide, to believe in, with, and for. It’s time to pick up the mantle you have been given but rest assured, you are ready due to what mentors do for us. Just think about it. You have been:

Poured Into – As mentioned, you have been poured into. You have had people share their life and experience. They have helped you avoid their mistakes and beliefs that do not serve us. They have cared for you, encouraged you, and sustained you. They have been there for your questions, dispensed knowledge and advice, brokered introductions and provided resources. You are now tasked to do that for others.

Equipped – What has been poured into you has equipped you. You have been given strategies, resources, tools, short-cuts, and skills to help you be successful. You have been provided practical advice and a whole host of “how to’s” to allow you to make your way in the world. You have been provided literal and metaphorical road maps of how to navigate work and life challenges.

Prepared – All of what a mentor has provided you has prepared you to meet life’s challenges and thrive. They probably did not share with you everything they knew (we all like to keep a few tricks up our sleeves!) but your mentors have provided what you needed to be successful. They have provided you with their time, treasure, and energy with the hope and expectation that you will do something with such gifts to not only benefit you but those around you. They gave without expectation of reciprocation but with the great hope that their investment would pay off in a better world.

The Future –

All of the preceding leads us to what’s next. I recently shared to a group of business owners and entrepreneurs that as leaders, everyone who comes into the orbit of our life deserves the best parts of us! That is simply the price of being given the permission and privilege of leading others. Of having others place their trust, hopes, and aspirations in you.

Again, when you start to lose your mentors, that becomes the marker that it is now your turn to mentor. You have been given much, so what will you do with that? I encourage you to start where you are and do what you can. Examples include:

·         Identify emerging influencers that would benefit from what you know, who you are, and what you can do!

·         Volunteer to work with or start an employee interest group at your own employer.

·         I believe that when you know how to do something very well, you have a responsibility to teach others how to do that.

·         Speak, blog, write, whatever you can do to extend your reach (that’s the whole point of this blog, to continue to mentor and encourage past, present, and future generations of students, colleagues, clients, etc.!)

·         Give generously your time, treasure, and presence.

·         Value the mentors you have now.

·         Encourage more than you criticize.

·         Don’t worry if you think the world needs what you have to offer, trust me, it does!

The cycle of life can be bittersweet. Maybe one of the best ways to honor and celebrate the lives of those that enhanced yours is to pay it all forward and “leave the camp site better than how you found it!” Raise a glass to absent companions and buy a round for those that are with you now and right in front of you. I promise you, it’s YOU they have been waiting for.  So, here’s to you and thank you, Dad, Mr. B, Rick, Ms. Lampman, Ted and Roger. This one is for you.

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

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