When we NAME a fear, anxiety, or challenge, we start to take away its power over us!

As a coach, clients will often share with me their wins and successes since we last met. Those are great interactions, and I celebrate their success. Sometimes, though, we need to address some very serious issues and concerns. These are tough conversations but that does not make them any less important. These issues are vexing to them for very legitimate reasons. This has me thinking out loud lately about strategies to help individuals and leaders start to confront these concerns, fears, and challenges. This is where the power of NAMING it comes into play.

Dr. Timothy Butler, in his book entitled Getting Unstuck, highlighted William Blake, the noted English poet and artist, who applied the psychological dynamic of NAMING a fear or anxiety especially in the earlier building part of his career. He would personify his fears and concerns so that he could treat them as characters in a play and make them recognizable. In doing so, he was better able to deal with them. Specifically, there were fears of lack and scarcity as he was trying to establish himself in his literary career while providing for his family.

Dr. Butler builds upon this concept to reveal the harsh internal critic that hampers us using the name, The Accuser. Sherzad Chamine in his Positive Intelligence coaching system calls this internal critic “The Judge” who acts as the primary saboteur that hinders us. One of my favorite coaches and speakers, Paul Martinelli, simply refers to this as “Mr. Ugly.”

Whatever you call it, Dr. Butler points out this internal critic as one that speaks AGAINST the human impulse to grow and flourish. It is the Voice that tells us we have failed, we are inadequate, made the wrong decisions, or is somehow otherwise unworthy. This voice stops us from taking actions that would otherwise allow us to experience new opportunities and possibilities. NAMING it, therefore, is the first step in overcoming the internal or external challenges we face. In doing so, we prevent ourselves from internalizing this critic to the point where it becomes just “who we are” versus the unwelcome and outside intruder it really is. In other words, when we NAME and label a fear, anxiety, challenge, or concern, we start to take away its power over us.

 Action Strategy to Overcome:

As you often hear, the first step is often the most difficult. Once we have named our fear, then, what do we do next? Drawing heavily upon Dr. Butler's excellent work, here are some possible action steps:

·        NAME it – as I have shared, it is critical to just get it out there in the light of day and identify or name it – failure, layoff, job loss, health issue, failing relationship, and my emerging personal favorite, ageism!

·        Next, RECOGGNIZE but DO NOT buy in to what this fear is attempting to tell you with false narratives such as:

o    You should have known better

o    You do not have the qualifications for that new role

o    You are too old to start again or to seek something better

·         UNDERSTAND what the fear is attempting to say to you and how it is harming you.

o    In young professionals, the harm could take the form of diminished self-confidence

o    More mature professionals approaching the mid-point of their careers become susceptible to feelings of lack of accomplishment or progression

o    Older workers nearing the completion of their formal working life may tend to devalue their very real contributions to the workplace and beyond such as providing for a great family, service to others, staying true to their faith, creations of art and music, etc. because those items do not “count” in a toxic “scoring system” of an unhealthy workplace or indicators of success in the Influencer world!

·         Search for other VOICES that do not share the opinions of the internal critic either inside or external to you. These can be friends, colleagues, family, or partners who have witnessed in real-time your value and contributions.

·        INTERNALIZE that this fear is NOT YOU so that you are more able to differentiate between this artificial and inaccurate critic and the truly capable and accomplished YOU.

·        Avoid looking for CONFIRMATION BIAS that the critic is even close to being right or accurate. Why give it any power over you?

·        Identify and REFLECT upon your PEAK EXPERIENCES that provide actual and documented confirmation of your skills and abilities.

·        IGNORE the false narrative. In other words, just as you should never attempt to have an intellectual debate with someone who has had too many Old Fashioneds, you should also not get into a debate with Mr. Ugly!

·        FOCUS on others. I have often found that when I take the focus off myself and use my time and energy to help others, the fear tends to dissipate.

·        Always, take POSTIVE ACTIONS that move you closer to your goal. Doing so will release dopamine in our brain chemistry that is responsible for feelings of well-being.

Trust me, challenges, fears, anxiety and other concerns can be debilitating. They can often overwhelm and eclipse the parts of our lives that are going well. There is nothing wrong with getting professional assistance during these times. As speaker and author John Maxwell often shares, “no one does anything great alone!” I am serious about this y’all, NAME that sucker and punch it in the throat as I hear the young people say! You are stronger than any fear. Maxwell also shares that you can have faith, or you can have fear, it all depends on which one you feed!

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with Maxwell Leadership^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

Requiem for a College: The Power of Place in our Lives.

 

Isn’t interesting how a physical location can impact us? A recent occurrence in my life has me thinking out loud how a location in a quiet part of North Carolina, USA can elicit just such a phenomenon.

Spaces can have incredible meaning for us. The grandeur of a National Park. The sentimentality of our childhood homes. That restaurant that was the location of the first date with someone that eventually becomes your spouse. A favorite watering hole that was the nexus of many good time memories, albeit some may be a little fuzzy! And you if you have been on social media lately, influencers are losing their selfie-stick minds over Universal Orlando’s Epic Universe!!

Spaces have the power to elicit visceral responses from us. A trip to Glacier National Park and onto the Canadian Rockies a couple years ago constantly filled me with awe and wonder of its stark beauty. Locations have the power to inspire, to motivate, to replenish, and to revive us. Sometimes, though, these places can become lost to us due to fire, natural disaster, new ownership, or they just slowly fade away.

My undergraduate college was just such a place for me. Growing up in Georgia, I was fully anticipating attending the University of Georgia. It was just what you did, half of your highschool went to Georgia Tech and the other half UGA. Then one day at a college fair, a fast-talking recruiter introduced me to St. Andrews Presbyterian College located in the small town of Laurinburg situated in the Sandhills region of North Carolina (thirty minutes or so south of Southern Pines for golf fans). I had never heard of the college, but something moved me to take a different path, to see what I could do on my own so I decided to take a visit. The day of my visit was a college recruiters dream, modern architecture, well-kept grounds, dogwoods in bloom, and a bunch of young people enjoying a warm spring day without adult supervision – UGA would wait!

St. Andrews provided me an incredible educational experience. We were taught by tenured faculty who were well known in their fields but wanted to actually teach and interact with undergraduates. We read Great Books. Who would have imagined a bunch of sophomores would still be debating Descartes or Thoreau in the 1980’s? We all lived on campus and ate our meals in a common cafeteria and, gasp, actually talked to each other! It wasn’t perfect, we certainly disagreed and argued, griped about the workload, we lost hot water for part of a winter, and wished we did not have to share a bathroom with 12 other people. But we learned to become independent (we were from all over), to work out our differences mostly peacefully, and to look out for each other at a nearby biker bar that had “college night” which is a whole other story! St. Andrews was what some researchers call an “under-manned” environment so most of us were involved in some organization or department on campus just to help keep the place running.

Sadly, I learned this week that St. Andrews will have to cease operations after May graduation. A long history of deferred maintenance and administrative missteps became exasperated when the area experienced two hurricanes in quick succession. The subsequent damage (and lack of adequate insurance) ripped the heart out of the place. Students and their parents could hardly be blamed for not wanting to attend an institution in such disrepair, especially in this era where college and universities wage an amenities arms race against each other.

In an unintended way, St. Andrews became a victim of its own success. Many of us went on to attend graduate schools because we were very well prepared academically but in the final analysis, we adopted the values, intentions, and curriculum that emphasized an orientation to a life of service and our eventual professions reflected that. As one of our faculty shared with me when we were catching up during a past reunion, “Bill, you guys have all these interesting jobs that unfortunately do not pay that much!” You see St. Andrews did not graduate many hedge-fund heroes or Wall Street tycoons. We are educators, artists, therapists, physicians, writers, and allied health care providers. We are researchers, small business owners and local administrators. Wonderful jobs that unfortunately did not produce that unicorn donor.

The moral of the story is that if such a place holds such value and meaning to you, then go visit as often as you can. If there is currently no such place for you, then go find one. It can be natural or constructed, just as long as the art, music, people, technology, and/or other wonders it contains rejuvenates and empowers you.

Thank you for allowing me to depart from my usual content and share this story that I believe is worth being told. A story of heroic staff and faculty that sacrificed much to keep the lights on. The story of generations of graduates that took a road less traveled by attending St. Andrews and continue to impact others. The story of this quirky university in the Sandhills that continued to inspire, educate, prepare and change lives until the very end. What more could the founders have really asked? Wasn’t that really the point? At the end of the day, it was not about the buildings, labs, classrooms, sport fields, equestrian rings, and grounds but rather it is the human capital all those facilities produced that really matters. What was created in these spaces will long out live them.

I do believe that even though the doors will soon close, the spirit of St. Andrews lives on in the people who studied, lived and worked there. You will see it in classrooms, laboratories, hospitals, churches, and businesses all over world as evidenced by the lives changed for the better.

Perhaps the last lesson St. Andrews has taught me is that even though it was bruised and battered, maybe starting to show its age just a little, St. Andrews hung on to its purpose until it could do so no more. I intend to do the same.

Hail all hail to thee our Alma Mater!

Bold thy banner waving o’er us!

Let each loyal son and daughter

Proudly stand and raise the chorus:

From ol’ Scotia’s lofty lands

To Carolina’s gentle plain.

Now thy noble name St. Andrews

Every glorious shall remain!

 

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with Maxwell Leadership^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

 

 

What do you people want from me?!?! Actually, not as much as you think!

I have always said, in a semi-serious way, that leadership would be easy if it was not for all these people! As leaders, understanding and meeting the needs of followers is a vexing task. I often think out loud about this and fortunately, the Gallup organization just may have some answers for us.

Recently, as a credentialed Gallup Strengths Coach, I had the opportunity to participate in Gallup’s annual Learning Week for certified coaches. It was an incredible week of insights and strategies as to how to best coach leaders and professionals anchoring on the Clifton Strengths Assessment. As part of the series, Gallup scientist, Dr. Jim Harter, presented groundbreaking research on the specific needs of followers. The results of his team’s global research indicated that there are four primary needs of followers which are presented as follows in numerical/statistical order.

1.Hope – as defined by the need to feel good about the future and for their leaders to know how to get us there. This is incredibly important so much so that Kouzes and Posner in their groundbreaking work, The Leadership Challenge, highlighted that the number one job of a leader is to provide hope, especially in times of challenge. Keep in mind, this does not infer that we ignore reality, the leader’s job is to define the reality. Rather, it is our job to face challenges head on and to enlist the help of our talented teams to generate ideas to overcome whatever is before us and model the belief that our collective efforts will see us through.

2. Trust – this focuses on the need followers have in their leaders that they are people of integrity and honesty. Steven M. Covey shares that the ability of a leader to gain trust among followers is an impact multiplier. In his book, Leadership at the Speed of Trust, Covey identifies the two vehicles of gaining trust are the leader’s competency and their character. I would further share that if your character is not solid, it makes no difference how competent, talented, etc. you are. Leaders who have multiple skills but lack integrity are really just well-organized dumpster fires! The words of John Maxwell ring true when he writes that “talent will get you in the door, but character keeps you in the room! “

3. Compassion – the knowledge that the follower is cared for and listened to. This should be an obvious one, but compassion alludes the leader who is just focused on their own reputation and results. Yes, they will certainly get the job done and hit their numbers but will leave a scorched earth of organizational turmoil and confusion. The irony is that such leaders miss the fact that it is how they treat others is a driver of success. Staff who just know their team leader care for them will increase their efforts in order to not let them down. This very attribute starts us on the way to becoming a Level 5 leader that Maxwell and Collins both write about. The Level 4 leader is viewed so positively due to their focus on people and their development.

4. Stability – the need for psychological safety and secure foundations, especially during times of uncertainty. I believe this need for stability can be further defined by two key leadership behaviors, first the need to be part of an organization where leadership actively works to help you feel safe. In an earlier blog, I referenced the phenomenon called the “Sunday Scaries” where research shows far too many employees dread starting the work week due to having to deal with a manager who instills fear versus safety. The second need is that of consistency. Leadership expert and author John Maxwell has embedded this concept in more of his recent writings and keynotes. Granted, consistency is not one of the flashiest of leadership competencies out there but there is nothing more stressful to a team member than to wonder who is showing up to work that day – calm and collected boss or grumpy bear boss! I believe consistency also speaks to stability in judgement and fairness. Are policies and expectations being applied fairly across team members or are some team members favored more than others? This does not mean we have to be perfect day in and day out, we just need to make the effort to be consistent in word and deed.

Dr. Harter’s research on the needs of followers also found that the most influential relationship working adults experience outside of that of family is the relationship we have with our managers. Let me stress that again so that this lands heavily on us, the most influential relationship we experience outside of our immediate family is the relationship between leader and follower. This is a relationship that therefore cannot be ignored and must not be taken for granted. It is not an option to ignore this research and what it tells us.

The good news is, we can lean into our Strengths (in this case as defined by Gallup’s Clifton Strengths Assessment), to meet these non-optional needs. Even for those whose Strengths do not roll up under the Relationship Building domain, your talents can assist with this. For instance, those with the Analytical talent can use your propensity to gather data on reasons or causes as to why a team member may be struggling. Your natural curiosity will lead you to ask questions and determine the best way to move forward. Those who hold the Discipline talent value routine and structure. I know of no better talent to make you factory equipped to address the need for Stability! See how this works?

The bottom line is understanding and meeting the needs of followers is not a nice to have, it is have to have. I would go far as to say it is both a professional or moral imperative that we do so.

In reflecting on these four needs of followers, I am reminded of three key questions that John Maxwell presented when we was invited to address the General Assembly of the United Nations a number of years ago. He shared followers internally ask of their leaders three questions:

•          Do you care for me?
•          Can I trust you?
•          Can you help me?

As leaders, we need to focus our attention on many things . . . tasks, deliverables, deadlines, strategy, etc. The issue is we often neglect to focus attention on the very people we need to make all those things happen – followers and team members. Understanding how to most effectively lead others to complete key tasks should always be top of mind, not down the list. I promise you; followers have no difficulty deciphering if they are just an afterthought. If, however, you can make it part of your life’s mission to answer the three questions presented above day in and day out, then you will be mighty and most certainly achieve Level 5 leader status. 

So in the documented analysis, followers are not really asking that much from us and in light of what they are asking for, is it really too much to ask? 

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Harter’s research, you can find the report as a free download from the Gallup organization: https://www.gallup.com/analytics/656315/leadership-needs-of-followers.aspx

If you would like to learn more about how you can identify, activate, and direct your (and your teams!) formidable leadership Strengths, I would enjoy our conversation. As always, if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with Maxwell Leadership^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

 

Effective Leadership is Tough; Measuring It Does Not Have to Be!

As someone who has spent most of their adult life and professional career studying, teaching, and coaching around what constitutes effective leadership, you have a tendency to read a few things about it. Often you are exposed to a great deal of academic and practitioner angst around how does one measure effective leadership? I think we have greatly over-thought this concept. In reality there is really one key metric as to whether or not you are an effective leader!

Before I offer such a cloud-parting revelation, however, I need to share some numbers of why we desperately need to keep struggling with the concept and practice of effective leadership. According to Gallup in their outstanding State of the American and Global Workplace reports (available as free downloads, by the way!), 80% of the global workforce is engaged in what pundits have called “quiet quitting”. Now sometimes there is nothing quiet about it but essentially this is a work posture where employees are putting in minimal effort, going through the motions, and are certainly not engaged in their work. Further, according to Gallup, this lack of employee engagement or quiet quitting costs the global economy over $9 Trillion annually – that is 9% of the total Global GDP! Certainly, this is a cause for alarm, but the kind of good news is that Gallup has found that the #1 factor that can reverse such lack of engagement is the quality of leadership an employee receives in the workplace. In fact, the Gallup researchers are so sure of their results, they published a book called, It’s The Manager. Now I say this is kind of good news because such results are predicated on the leader being effective in their role in the first place!

A few months ago, I had an opportunity to speak to the Southern Seven chapter of the Young President’s Organization. This is a group of business owners that must have at least 50 full-time employees as part of their headcount. It was a great group but at one point in my talk I offered them the following, “There is no such thing as a neutral life. As a leader you are either making things better or you are not”. . . . and the room got very quiet (as a side commentary, there is something very freeing to be speaking from a posture of conviction versus trying to develop business!). John Maxwell shares in one of his latest books The 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication, that “a different world cannot be built by indifferent people”. Clearly, we have much work to do in our leadership journey in that one additional data point of concern is that according to LinkedIn, 80% of working professionals report feelings of the “Sunday Scaries” or feelings of dread of having to go back to work on Monday to face an ineffective, or worse, leader. Here’s the thing, work does not make people unhappy, the workplace does. Again, either you are making things better or you are not!

I think part of the problem is that the leadership development industry has generated so many models, 2X2 matrices, assessments, performance indicators, etc. that we have truly lost sight of what is most important. This leads me to my blog title in that measuring our effectiveness as leaders is really quite simple. The one indicator of success that you really need to attend to is inspired by the work of Robert Greenleaf. Greenleaf shared that if you want to know and measure the effectiveness of a leader, just observe their followers! Specifically, if your people are happier, wiser, more capable, or more prosperous then you are an effective leader! At that point, it does not matter how you got there or what theory you subscribed to, it is the simple fact that you made things better! I believe that if we practice what Steven Covey called “working with the end in mind” and use the flourishing of our people as the yardstick by which we measure our leadership effectiveness, then I can guarantee we can create workplaces people will not dread but genuinely look forward to coming to on Monday! You see it is not the “how” of our leadership that matters most, it is the “what”, or better yet, the “who”!

To be clear, results and accomplishment do matter. After all, that is why we lead in the first place. The point I want to stress is that when we take care of our people, the business will take care of itself. Again, it's not the work, it's the workplace. In fact, Daniel Pink's research shows that we as humans are hard wired to be productive. People want to engage in meaningful and productive work, they just need to have the autonomy, connections, and equipping to do so. 

Recently I lost my college roommate who remained one of my best friends. Whereas his death was sudden and tragic, I was proud to have claimed the friendship of one of those too rare individuals that improved EVERY individual who came into the orbit of his life. As per the metric presented, I was one of those individuals who became wiser, happier, and more capable due to his leadership. 

Do me a favor, ask yourself this question this week and observe where it leads you. What is one thing you can do this week to help your team members flourish? I would greatly enjoy hearing your results! 

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with Maxwell Leadership^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

Who’s Looking Out for YOU?

Recently I had the opportunity to speak to a group of 175 business leaders of small and medium-sized organizations. The speaker prior to me told a fascinating story of rapid growth and success. That was all well and good, but I couldn’t help thinking out loud that whereas a lot of people were involved with them, no one was looking out for them!

Allow me to expand up this story but I will omit all the names to protect privacy. As I mentioned, I was the second speaker of the day, but the first speaker was this incredibly energetic leader. They had grown their start-up focused on an emerging technology to one of the most promising in the Southeast raising over $1 billion in capital in an incredibly short time frame. They are the start-up poster child – young, attractive, smart as a whip, incredibly well-spoken, engaging and persuasive with just enough edge to them. They were also the epitome of what entrepreneurs hope for. Rapid scaling, hockey stick growth, angel investors standing in line to throw money at the enterprise, and almost instant rock-star status with the business press. Sounds great, right?

The story took a serious turn, though, when they shared that eventually they found themselves in a precarious health situation and literally almost worked themselves to death! The resulting stress and lack of support landed them in a three-month hospital stay. Fortunately, they made a full recovery but as I was listening to their story, they kept referencing a series of advisors and investors they would interact with, however, as a leadership coach, I wanted to ask the question, “Were any of these advisors, advocates?” I am sure they were quick to offer business advice (mostly to protect their own interests) but surely one of them could see what was happening to this gifted leader. You would think they would have noticed the physical decline and the subsequent drop in performance and offered assistance. Now perhaps one or more of them eventually did, but it just appeared to be a little too little too late.

I wanted to ask another question that I am asking you now. This individual, like you, has a lot of people wanting something from you and/or is depending on you, but who is looking out for you?! Granted, when we put ourselves in leadership roles, a certain degree of expectation is to be anticipated. This is what John Maxwell refers to a Level 3 Leader where you are recognized as high-potential due to your competence and what you have given or produced to an enterprise. Eventually, however, if we do not receive, then we can end up in such dire straights as described above. Perhaps if they had a personal board of directors versus just a corporate board, then the situation could have been avoided.

I was first introduced to the concept of a Personal Board of Directors by author and speaker, Dr. Tim Elmore. During a seminar, Tim described a group of individuals who were pivotal in certain key aspects of his life that could provide expertise and support in areas such as his business, faith walk, family strength, personal finances, etc.

Much like an executive coach, a Personal Board of Directors is intended to focus on you. Keep in mind, though, that whereas the focus is on you it is not intended to enable self-indulgent frailty. The purpose of such a board is so that you can grow stronger, more resilient, and more knowledgeable so that you, in turn, can do that for others. Leadership is ALWAYS about improving the condition of others.

Author Jeff Henderson outlines this concept in his book, What’s Next? and provides guidance around how to develop your own board of directors:

Purpose: you are not meeting to meet, rather the purpose is to help you in your decision making, leadership, and effectiveness.

Guidelines: in establishing the Personal Board of Directors, you should adopt key postures to make the relationship mutually beneficial.

• Ask the right questions. Are you being strategic with their time?
• Clarify for yourself a realistic expectation. Your goal is improvement, not perfection!
• Nurture a learner’s mindset.
• Respect but don’t idolize your board members.
• Apply what you learn and tell them how and when you did!
• Reward your Board’s investment in you by getting better.

Who: this is entirely up to you, but the most important decision you will make in this process. Jeff recommends those men and women who are older, wiser, and more experienced. 3 – 5 seems to be the ideal number of advisors at any given time. Write out a few bullet points of what you are looking for in an advisor to increase the likelihood this will actually manifest. Ask yourself key questions as you consider who you would like to ask.

• Who believes in you?
• Who has time for you?
• Who encourages you?
• Who will speak truth to you?
• Who will challenge you?

Time: a consistent meeting cadence of meeting once every six weeks for 12 months is recommended. Offer to buy the coffee, breakfast, lunch, or dinner!

Agenda: it is your responsibility to be prepared for these meetings. Leadership expert and author John Maxwell was mentored by the legendary coach, John Wooden. Maxwell shares that every time he met with Coach Wooden, he would have legal pad of questions prepared. Here are a few suggestions for you to share and ask:

• What you are excited about.
• What you are worried about.
• One area you need the most help with at the time of the meeting.
• What would you do if you were me?

Whereas the story I shared in this blog is compelling, it is not unique. If you read enough profiles of successful business leaders, you will find this is an all-too-common theme of leaders burning themselves out because the people around them were advisers but not advocates. There is also the recurring theme of these same leaders eventually relying on sages and guides to help them through their “hero’s journey”, to get their lives back in balance.

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

 What do you do when you start to lose your mentors?

All things considered, the past couple of years have been pretty good. I continue to work with a great team of professionals, have the opportunity to coach and mentor some of the most amazing student/clients I could ever wish for, and have discovered the joys of rural life. The only drawback is that I have more recently lost some folks that were very important to me and my development as a professional and person. This got me thinking out loud about what do you do when you start to lose your mentors?

In all seriousness, growing older isn’t too bad if you do not mind the mysterious aches and pains that emerge more readily after a workout, yard work, walking to the mailbox, waking up, etc. I have found myself vocalizing a whole new set of “dad noises” just getting in and out of chairs that I am sure amuses many! Otherwise, you appreciate the knowledge and wisdom that walking around on the planet for awhile provides. The only real draw back is that as you age, so do the people around you. Inevitably, you start to lose those mentors and guides that were so important to your development. This can include a whole cast of characters such as former faculty, work mentors, collaborators, parents, and people that saw something in you that was worth investing in along the way. As I mentioned, though, the past year or so has been acute in the loss of such important people in my life.

So, what do you do when you start to lose those important mentors? Obviously, I have been thinking about this and I believe the answer lies in the past, present, and future.

The Past –

I often observe that the past is to be learned from, not lived in! Whereas that is true, the past can help in several ways.

The Memories of the Mentor – your memories of a mentor can have sustained impact. I once I heard a line from a movie that stated, “What we do in life echoes through eternity.” Mentors are eternal. I can still recall a number of both challenge and support conversations from people that invested in me. Their words and wisdom are just as relevant today as they were when they were first gifted to me years ago.

The Ideals of the Mentor – I once heard author and leadership expert John Maxwell share that the best gift you can give someone is your good example. The ideals of my mentors still influence and guide me. They are just as relevant now in my development as they were years ago. The ideals and values of my mentors and sages continue to provide my moral north star as to how I should act and treat others, how I should carry myself, what I should stand for and what I should not abide. Just being in the presence of these people was incredibly instructive.

The Belief of the Mentor – Mentors certainly believe in you but sometimes they believe with and for you, even when you did not believe in yourself. The very act of someone investing in you, spending time with you, pouring into you (often when you did not deserve or appreciate it at the time) is without a doubt life changing and life sustaining. Research shows how important a supportive environment is to the development of an individual. It is the very mechanism of both challenge and support that helps us grow into productive and healthy individuals. Mentors do that for us. Mentors insure that for us.

The Present –

The past always leads us into and informs the present. I think that inevitably, the cycle of life and maturation leads you to a point where it is now your turn. In other words, when you reach an age and stage in life where you start to lose your mentors, that is universe’s way of telling you it is now your turn to mentor, to guide, to believe in, with, and for. It’s time to pick up the mantle you have been given but rest assured, you are ready due to what mentors do for us. Just think about it. You have been:

Poured Into – As mentioned, you have been poured into. You have had people share their life and experience. They have helped you avoid their mistakes and beliefs that do not serve us. They have cared for you, encouraged you, and sustained you. They have been there for your questions, dispensed knowledge and advice, brokered introductions and provided resources. You are now tasked to do that for others.

Equipped – What has been poured into you has equipped you. You have been given strategies, resources, tools, short-cuts, and skills to help you be successful. You have been provided practical advice and a whole host of “how to’s” to allow you to make your way in the world. You have been provided literal and metaphorical road maps of how to navigate work and life challenges.

Prepared – All of what a mentor has provided you has prepared you to meet life’s challenges and thrive. They probably did not share with you everything they knew (we all like to keep a few tricks up our sleeves!) but your mentors have provided what you needed to be successful. They have provided you with their time, treasure, and energy with the hope and expectation that you will do something with such gifts to not only benefit you but those around you. They gave without expectation of reciprocation but with the great hope that their investment would pay off in a better world.

The Future –

All of the preceding leads us to what’s next. I recently shared to a group of business owners and entrepreneurs that as leaders, everyone who comes into the orbit of our life deserves the best parts of us! That is simply the price of being given the permission and privilege of leading others. Of having others place their trust, hopes, and aspirations in you.

Again, when you start to lose your mentors, that becomes the marker that it is now your turn to mentor. You have been given much, so what will you do with that? I encourage you to start where you are and do what you can. Examples include:

·         Identify emerging influencers that would benefit from what you know, who you are, and what you can do!

·         Volunteer to work with or start an employee interest group at your own employer.

·         I believe that when you know how to do something very well, you have a responsibility to teach others how to do that.

·         Speak, blog, write, whatever you can do to extend your reach (that’s the whole point of this blog, to continue to mentor and encourage past, present, and future generations of students, colleagues, clients, etc.!)

·         Give generously your time, treasure, and presence.

·         Value the mentors you have now.

·         Encourage more than you criticize.

·         Don’t worry if you think the world needs what you have to offer, trust me, it does!

The cycle of life can be bittersweet. Maybe one of the best ways to honor and celebrate the lives of those that enhanced yours is to pay it all forward and “leave the camp site better than how you found it!” Raise a glass to absent companions and buy a round for those that are with you now and right in front of you. I promise you, it’s YOU they have been waiting for.  So, here’s to you and thank you, Dad, Mr. B, Rick, Ms. Lampman, Ted and Roger. This one is for you.

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

Not at altitude? I have two questions.

As someone who has spent his entire adult life, mentoring, training, and coaching leaders, it is incredibly gratifying to help someone reach new heights and grow into their potential. Every now and then, however, I observe that someone may hesitate, pause, or stay in a “holding pattern.” Now there can be a number of reasons for this but when I do notice a leader is not at altitude, I get to thinking out loud about why this is. If anything, a coach is a curious creature so then I may ask one of two questions.

Before I reveal these questions, I want to share a great insight from Master Coach and former Maxwell Leadership coaching faculty lead, Christian Simpson. Christian Simpson is from the UK but has developed a world-wide executive coaching practice. I recently heard Chris share that the power of coaching is that coaches ask us questions we will not or cannot ask ourselves! It is not through any of coach’s insights rather through the questions that are asked that promotes self-reflection and subsequent growth.

So now for the two questions. When I observe a leader who is not operating to their potential or temporarily in a holding pattern, I will ask them a question they will not or cannot ask themselves:

What are you not attempting?

One reason why we do not attempt to reach beyond ourselves is the self-defeating beliefs we place on ourselves. Trust me, these beliefs are of our own maintaining, but they are rarely of our own creation. Past challenges, childhood experiences, lack of supportive people around us are often the sources of self-defeating beliefs. Such past conditions we cannot help but the problem becomes when we hold onto them. We come to believe and thus behave, as if this is our reality. This is all we are ever going to be, do, or know. But is it really? Just because we tried and were unsuccessful once does not mean we will not succeed again!

I have often shared that the words we say to ourselves are both the source and solution for defeating the imposter syndrome which is anchored in self-defeating thoughts and eventual beliefs. The problem is that according to sport performance coach, Trevor Moawad, negative thoughts and self-defeating statements are 5X more impactful than positive ones. We convince ourselves that we cannot do remarkable things; thus, we do not attempt to do so. This is a text-book example of what Christian Simpson teaches about how our thoughts facilitate our beliefs that in turn drive our behaviors and impact our eventual results. Let me share a simple reinforcing graphic below:

Thoughts > Beliefs > Behaviors > Results

In such a scenario, the goal is to break this cascading negative chain at its source – the thoughts we perpetuate about ourselves that inform the beliefs we hold about ourselves. If you find yourself in such a self-perpetuating negative spiral, ask yourself a few questions:

Why am I thinking this about myself?

What evidence confirms or disputes these self-defeating beliefs?

(my experience is when an individual really stops and considers this question objectively, they often discover more evidence to dispute and disrupt such negative thinking because the inventory of wins and success far surpasses the failures and disappointments!)

What would it be like if I focused on the positives versus the negatives?

What am I not attempting because of the (often inaccurate) thoughts I hold about myself?

I am often inspired by stories that demonstrate the potential found in the human spirit. Recently I watched a movie, 14 Peaks: Nothing is Impossible. This true story focuses on Nimsdai Purja who along with a team of his fellow Nepalese climbers scaled all the world’s 14 peaks over 8,000 meters in 6 months and 6 days. This was an incredible feat in light of the fact that the last person to accomplish this took 16 years to do so! Friends and observers throughout the movie shared how Nimsdai’s most powerful attribute was the positive attitude he held about himself and his cause.

What could yours be?

What are you holding back?

This second question is an interesting one in that it brings to light self-limiting beliefs. The difference here is that such beliefs are held by otherwise confident and self-empowered individuals. They are assured of their skill sets, know their strengths and assets, and certainly recognize that their past accomplishment is a predictor of future success. For some reason though, they engage in what can be described as “station keeping” or a holding pattern. They do not fail but neither do they succeed at the altitudes they are truly capable of. It is as if they are waiting for something. They are inexplicably holding themselves back. Perhaps they are waiting for the perfect conditions or opportunities to manifest, but the challenge is that is a passive posture. While they are waiting for the ideal, they are missing out on the opportunities that are right in front of them.

I have asked many of a student and client, “What are you waiting for?” Immediately, they provide a litany of self-limiting reasons such as not enough time, this would mean more work, or a desire to master the present before moving on to the future. The problem with such rationalizations is that you can find yourself waiting a long time. Inevitably, that same person will get back to me a few weeks later and say something to the effect of “you know, I was thinking about what I was waiting for, and for the life of me, I couldn’t think of one truly valid reason.” This is an incredibly important insight because as the late Richard Bole, author of What Color is Your Parachute shared, “we must define our lives now or life’s inertia will certainly do it for us!”

It is my belief that if there is something we truly want, then we will find the energy, time, and will do it, much like Nimsdai Purja. You see, it is the foundational things that fuel accomplishment that are always in abundant supply. We will always find the emotional, psychological, and physical energy to gain that we truly want.

If you find yourself in such a holding pattern, try asking yourself these questions:

What am I waiting for?

What do I need in the future that I do not already have now?

Is the knowledge, energy, time, etc. that I am thinking I need really a restraining element or just an excuse?

What would happen if I just created some movement in the direction of this new goal or aspiration?

Now more than ever, we need leaders who can operate at altitude. They can see the bigger picture, beyond narrowly defined options and cynical partisanship. They can think of solutions that benefit all of us and not just some of us. They can operate under a “both, and” mentality versus the opportunity crushing “either, or.” We need leaders who can see beyond the immediate and project solutions for the future. We need leaders to ask their students, teams, and colleagues questions they will not or cannot ask themselves. We need leaders who will encourage us to attempt and challenge us to not hold back.

So, what are you not attempting? What are you holding back?

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc