As new variants of the Covid virus continue to assault our planet, we are in peril again of becoming self-stranding cast aways again due to either government fiat or self-imposed isolation. This has me thinking out loud about the costs of continuous solitary living to the point I am worried we will end up like the Tom Hanks’s character in the film Cast Away where his only friend was an inanimate object in the form of a volleyball that he named Wilson!
The
mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical costs associated with loneliness and
isolation has been well documented. The recent impacts of Covid has only
accentuated such impacts. According to KFF, the imposed social isolation has led
to depression and anxiety rates increasing by 32%, alcohol use and substance abuse
has increased by 12%, and 4 in 10 adults experienced increased anxiety and
depression during the pandemic. Additionally troubling is that the rate of drug
overdoses are up 29% from pre-Covid rates. The impacts of peer isolation has been
especially harmful to children and adolescents.
In
a recent article, reporter Ann Schmidt highlighted a study from the Survey
Center of American Life that as a society, we are experiencing a “friendship
recession.” Such a friendship deficit has hit American men particularly hard.
In 2021, only 27% of men report having at least 6 close friends, down from 55%
in 1990!
I
would propose that we cannot sustain such deficits of human connection. At our
lowest denominator, we were designed to be social animals. As the data
shared above indicates, we were not designed to live in isolation from one another.
The benefits of fellowship with other humans is incalculable.
We
are smarter together – as I often share,
I learn more from my students and clients than I can ever learn left to my own
devices. The information, perspectives, and experiences of others is a treasure
trove of wisdom and information for me.
We
are happier together – now I have
been known to crack myself up from time to time, but I have never laughed as
hard or as long when as when I am with other people. You can observe this among
children as they play together and experience a phenomenon referred to “group
glee.” Their joy and enthusiasm becomes contagious to the point where they are
laughing and happy for the sheer enjoyment of being together. The same holds
true for adults, it just takes us a little longer to get there.
We
are stronger together – I need to
confess that I have often struggled with the term “self-care.” To me it just reeked
of fragility and self-indulgence. As I have started to think about this concept
more, however, I arrived at the conclusion that the primary reason that we need
more of a focus on self-care is that we do not have enough people in our
lives who actually do care! We have allowed technology, distance, and
fear to separate us from each other. If you extend my logic, what made the
Greatest Generation so great is that they were not so separated and distant
from each other. Prior to WWII, nuclear families lived in close proximity to
each other, often in the same house or at least, same acreage. Friends were
truly life-long in that they grew up and spent most of their lives with the
same group of people. Author Justin Camp describes the value of such proximate
and genuine relationships between people as “Connected Ruggedness.”
Much
in the same way as the solid connections to each allowed that great generation
to face and defeat the tyranny of the Axis-aligned nations, it will be our own “connected
ruggedness” that will allow us to face the challenges that face us now. Their
connections to each other made each other strong and brave, and now we need reconnect
to each other to do the same. But we have to build back or in many
cases, create those connections and that is where we as leaders come in!
Broker
Connections – as a leader,
you are in the unique position to know a lot of different people from disparate
organizations. Take every opportunity you can to introduce a team member to
another who has similar interests or is trying to solve the same problem. This
starts with making sure the connections within your own team are strong.
Broker
Interactions – This can be a
challenge if you lead a global team across different time-zones, but it is not
impossible. With just a little creative scheduling, you can create virtual experiences
that allow team members to get to know each other as people versus a screen-name.
As a coach and trainer, of course I am going to recommend something other than
a work-related topic. Instead, use such time for a professional development workshop
or group building engagement.
Broker
Authenticity – You may have
heard the phrase that “you can be lonely in a crowded room.” This is because unless
we make a concerted effort to genuinely and authentically get to know each other,
we might as well be on back on our own islands talking to our good friend Wilson.
This is where you as a leader can provide the gift of your own great example
by going first! Now I am not talking about divulging your deepest
secrets but just talk with people and not at them. Ask them how
their day is going, what are they dealing with, what you have been experiencing,
etc. The work will still get done, just invest a few minutes in helping make it
easier. As pastor and leadership expert Andy Stanley shares, you do not need to
fill someone else’s cup, just empty yours!
I
get it. People are sometimes messy. Gallup even reported that one of the challenges
for returning to hybrid or in-person work is that we now have to re-learn how to
deal with each other in the same physical proximity! As humans, we are incredibly
adaptable, but we should not get too comfortable living and working isolated
from each other. This is not something we should “get used to” nor should any entity
continuously force us to do so. The cost is just too great.
As always if I can help you and
the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite
you to contact me.
Yours in leadership,
Bill Faulkner
Independent Coach, Speaker,
and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team TM
Certified DISC Profile System
Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach
Certified Designing Your Life
Coach
Email
= bill@outloudinc.com
Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com
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John Maxwell Team, please visit
http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/
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