Thinking Out Loud!: 2023

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Who’s Looking Out for YOU?

Recently I had the opportunity to speak to a group of 175 business leaders of small and medium-sized organizations. The speaker prior to me told a fascinating story of rapid growth and success. That was all well and good, but I couldn’t help thinking out loud that whereas a lot of people were involved with them, no one was looking out for them!

Allow me to expand up this story but I will omit all the names to protect privacy. As I mentioned, I was the second speaker of the day, but the first speaker was this incredibly energetic leader. They had grown their start-up focused on an emerging technology to one of the most promising in the Southeast raising over $1 billion in capital in an incredibly short time frame. They are the start-up poster child – young, attractive, smart as a whip, incredibly well-spoken, engaging and persuasive with just enough edge to them. They were also the epitome of what entrepreneurs hope for. Rapid scaling, hockey stick growth, angel investors standing in line to throw money at the enterprise, and almost instant rock-star status with the business press. Sounds great, right?

The story took a serious turn, though, when they shared that eventually they found themselves in a precarious health situation and literally almost worked themselves to death! The resulting stress and lack of support landed them in a three-month hospital stay. Fortunately, they made a full recovery but as I was listening to their story, they kept referencing a series of advisors and investors they would interact with, however, as a leadership coach, I wanted to ask the question, “Were any of these advisors, advocates?” I am sure they were quick to offer business advice (mostly to protect their own interests) but surely one of them could see what was happening to this gifted leader. You would think they would have noticed the physical decline and the subsequent drop in performance and offered assistance. Now perhaps one or more of them eventually did, but it just appeared to be a little too little too late.

I wanted to ask another question that I am asking you now. This individual, like you, has a lot of people wanting something from you and/or is depending on you, but who is looking out for you?! Granted, when we put ourselves in leadership roles, a certain degree of expectation is to be anticipated. This is what John Maxwell refers to a Level 3 Leader where you are recognized as high-potential due to your competence and what you have given or produced to an enterprise. Eventually, however, if we do not receive, then we can end up in such dire straights as described above. Perhaps if they had a personal board of directors versus just a corporate board, then the situation could have been avoided.

I was first introduced to the concept of a Personal Board of Directors by author and speaker, Dr. Tim Elmore. During a seminar, Tim described a group of individuals who were pivotal in certain key aspects of his life that could provide expertise and support in areas such as his business, faith walk, family strength, personal finances, etc.

Much like an executive coach, a Personal Board of Directors is intended to focus on you. Keep in mind, though, that whereas the focus is on you it is not intended to enable self-indulgent frailty. The purpose of such a board is so that you can grow stronger, more resilient, and more knowledgeable so that you, in turn, can do that for others. Leadership is ALWAYS about improving the condition of others.

Author Jeff Henderson outlines this concept in his book, What’s Next? and provides guidance around how to develop your own board of directors:

Purpose: you are not meeting to meet, rather the purpose is to help you in your decision making, leadership, and effectiveness.

Guidelines: in establishing the Personal Board of Directors, you should adopt key postures to make the relationship mutually beneficial.

Ask the right questions. Are you being strategic with their time?
Clarify for yourself a realistic expectation. Your goal is improvement, not perfection!
Nurture a learner’s mindset.
Respect but don’t idolize your board members.
Apply what you learn and tell them how and when you did!
Reward your Board’s investment in you by getting better.

Who: this is entirely up to you, but the most important decision you will make in this process. Jeff recommends those men and women who are older, wiser, and more experienced. 3 – 5 seems to be the ideal number of advisors at any given time. Write out a few bullet points of what you are looking for in an advisor to increase the likelihood this will actually manifest. Ask yourself key questions as you consider who you would like to ask.

Who believes in you?
Who has time for you?
Who encourages you?
Who will speak truth to you?
Who will challenge you?

Time: a consistent meeting cadence of meeting once every six weeks for 12 months is recommended. Offer to buy the coffee, breakfast, lunch, or dinner!

Agenda: it is your responsibility to be prepared for these meetings. Leadership expert and author John Maxwell was mentored by the legendary coach, John Wooden. Maxwell shares that every time he met with Coach Wooden, he would have legal pad of questions prepared. Here are a few suggestions for you to share and ask:

What you are excited about.
What you are worried about.
One area you need the most help with at the time of the meeting.
What would you do if you were me?

Whereas the story I shared in this blog is compelling, it is not unique. If you read enough profiles of successful business leaders, you will find this is an all-too-common theme of leaders burning themselves out because the people around them were advisers but not advocates. There is also the recurring theme of these same leaders eventually relying on sages and guides to help them through their “hero’s journey”, to get their lives back in balance.

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team ^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

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Sunday, May 14, 2023

What do you do when you start to lose your mentors?

All things considered, the past couple of years have been pretty good. I continue to work with a great team of professionals, have the opportunity to coach and mentor some of the most amazing student/clients I could ever wish for, and have discovered the joys of rural life. The only drawback is that I have more recently lost some folks that were very important to me and my development as a professional and person. This got me thinking out loud about what do you do when you start to lose your mentors?

In all seriousness, growing older isn’t too bad if you do not mind the mysterious aches and pains that emerge more readily after a workout, yard work, walking to the mailbox, waking up, etc. I have found myself vocalizing a whole new set of “dad noises” just getting in and out of chairs that I am sure amuses many! Otherwise, you appreciate the knowledge and wisdom that walking around on the planet for awhile provides. The only real draw back is that as you age, so do the people around you. Inevitably, you start to lose those mentors and guides that were so important to your development. This can include a whole cast of characters such as former faculty, work mentors, collaborators, parents, and people that saw something in you that was worth investing in along the way. As I mentioned, though, the past year or so has been acute in the loss of such important people in my life.

So, what do you do when you start to lose those important mentors? Obviously, I have been thinking about this and I believe the answer lies in the past, present, and future.

The Past –

I often observe that the past is to be learned from, not lived in! Whereas that is true, the past can help in several ways.

The Memories of the Mentor – your memories of a mentor can have sustained impact. I once I heard a line from a movie that stated, “What we do in life echoes through eternity.” Mentors are eternal. I can still recall a number of both challenge and support conversations from people that invested in me. Their words and wisdom are just as relevant today as they were when they were first gifted to me years ago.

The Ideals of the Mentor – I once heard author and leadership expert John Maxwell share that the best gift you can give someone is your good example. The ideals of my mentors still influence and guide me. They are just as relevant now in my development as they were years ago. The ideals and values of my mentors and sages continue to provide my moral north star as to how I should act and treat others, how I should carry myself, what I should stand for and what I should not abide. Just being in the presence of these people was incredibly instructive.

The Belief of the Mentor – Mentors certainly believe in you but sometimes they believe with and for you, even when you did not believe in yourself. The very act of someone investing in you, spending time with you, pouring into you (often when you did not deserve or appreciate it at the time) is without a doubt life changing and life sustaining. Research shows how important a supportive environment is to the development of an individual. It is the very mechanism of both challenge and support that helps us grow into productive and healthy individuals. Mentors do that for us. Mentors insure that for us.

The Present –

The past always leads us into and informs the present. I think that inevitably, the cycle of life and maturation leads you to a point where it is now your turn. In other words, when you reach an age and stage in life where you start to lose your mentors, that is universe’s way of telling you it is now your turn to mentor, to guide, to believe in, with, and for. It’s time to pick up the mantle you have been given but rest assured, you are ready due to what mentors do for us. Just think about it. You have been:

Poured Into – As mentioned, you have been poured into. You have had people share their life and experience. They have helped you avoid their mistakes and beliefs that do not serve us. They have cared for you, encouraged you, and sustained you. They have been there for your questions, dispensed knowledge and advice, brokered introductions and provided resources. You are now tasked to do that for others.

Equipped – What has been poured into you has equipped you. You have been given strategies, resources, tools, short-cuts, and skills to help you be successful. You have been provided practical advice and a whole host of “how to’s” to allow you to make your way in the world. You have been provided literal and metaphorical road maps of how to navigate work and life challenges.

Prepared – All of what a mentor has provided you has prepared you to meet life’s challenges and thrive. They probably did not share with you everything they knew (we all like to keep a few tricks up our sleeves!) but your mentors have provided what you needed to be successful. They have provided you with their time, treasure, and energy with the hope and expectation that you will do something with such gifts to not only benefit you but those around you. They gave without expectation of reciprocation but with the great hope that their investment would pay off in a better world.

The Future –

All of the preceding leads us to what’s next. I recently shared to a group of business owners and entrepreneurs that as leaders, everyone who comes into the orbit of our life deserves the best parts of us! That is simply the price of being given the permission and privilege of leading others. Of having others place their trust, hopes, and aspirations in you.

Again, when you start to lose your mentors, that becomes the marker that it is now your turn to mentor. You have been given much, so what will you do with that? I encourage you to start where you are and do what you can. Examples include:

· Identify emerging influencers that would benefit from what you know, who you are, and what you can do!

· Volunteer to work with or start an employee interest group at your own employer.

· I believe that when you know how to do something very well, you have a responsibility to teach others how to do that.

· Speak, blog, write, whatever you can do to extend your reach (that’s the whole point of this blog, to continue to mentor and encourage past, present, and future generations of students, colleagues, clients, etc.!)

· Give generously your time, treasure, and presence.

· Value the mentors you have now.

· Encourage more than you criticize.

· Don’t worry if you think the world needs what you have to offer, trust me, it does!

The cycle of life can be bittersweet. Maybe one of the best ways to honor and celebrate the lives of those that enhanced yours is to pay it all forward and “leave the camp site better than how you found it!” Raise a glass to absent companions and buy a round for those that are with you now and right in front of you. I promise you, it’s YOU they have been waiting for. So, here’s to you and thank you, Dad, Mr. B, Rick, Ms. Lampman, Ted and Roger. This one is for you.