As someone who has spent his entire adult life, mentoring, training, and coaching leaders, it is incredibly gratifying to help someone reach new heights and grow into their potential. Every now and then, however, I observe that someone may hesitate, pause, or stay in a “holding pattern.” Now there can be a number of reasons for this but when I do notice a leader is not at altitude, I get to thinking out loud about why this is. If anything, a coach is a curious creature so then I may ask one of two questions.
Before
I reveal these questions, I want to share a great insight from Master Coach and
former Maxwell Leadership coaching faculty lead, Christian Simpson. Christian
Simpson is from the UK but has developed a world-wide executive coaching
practice. I recently heard Chris share that the power of coaching is that
coaches ask us questions we will not or cannot ask ourselves! It
is not through any of coach’s insights rather through the questions that are
asked that promotes self-reflection and subsequent growth.
So
now for the two questions. When I observe a leader who is not operating to
their potential or temporarily in a holding pattern, I will ask them a question
they will not or cannot ask themselves:
What
are you not attempting?
One
reason why we do not attempt to reach beyond ourselves is the self-defeating
beliefs we place on ourselves. Trust me, these beliefs are of our own maintaining,
but they are rarely of our own creation. Past challenges, childhood experiences,
lack of supportive people around us are often the sources of self-defeating
beliefs. Such past conditions we cannot help but the problem becomes when we hold
onto them. We come to believe and thus behave, as if this is our reality. This
is all we are ever going to be, do, or know. But is it really? Just because we
tried and were unsuccessful once does not mean we will not succeed again!
I
have often shared that the words we say to ourselves are both the source and
solution for defeating the imposter syndrome which is anchored in
self-defeating thoughts and eventual beliefs. The problem is that
according to sport performance coach, Trevor Moawad, negative thoughts and self-defeating
statements are 5X more impactful than positive ones. We convince ourselves that
we cannot do remarkable things; thus, we do not attempt to do so. This is a
text-book example of what Christian Simpson teaches about how our thoughts
facilitate our beliefs that in turn drive our behaviors and impact our eventual
results. Let me share a simple reinforcing graphic below:
Thoughts
> Beliefs > Behaviors > Results
In
such a scenario, the goal is to break this cascading negative chain at its
source – the thoughts we perpetuate about ourselves that inform the beliefs we
hold about ourselves. If you find yourself in such a self-perpetuating negative
spiral, ask yourself a few questions:
Why
am I thinking this about myself?
What
evidence confirms or disputes these self-defeating beliefs?
(my
experience is when an individual really stops and considers this question
objectively, they often discover more evidence to dispute and disrupt such negative
thinking because the inventory of wins and success far surpasses the failures
and disappointments!)
What
would it be like if I focused on the positives versus the negatives?
What
am I not attempting because of the (often inaccurate) thoughts I hold about
myself?
I
am often inspired by stories that demonstrate the potential found in the human spirit.
Recently I watched a movie, 14 Peaks: Nothing is Impossible. This true
story focuses on Nimsdai Purja who along with a team of his fellow Nepalese
climbers scaled all the world’s 14 peaks over 8,000 meters in 6 months and 6 days.
This was an incredible feat in light of the fact that the last person to accomplish
this took 16 years to do so! Friends and observers throughout the movie shared
how Nimsdai’s most powerful attribute was the positive attitude he held about
himself and his cause.
What
could yours be?
What
are you holding back?
This
second question is an interesting one in that it brings to light self-limiting
beliefs. The difference here is that such beliefs are held by otherwise
confident and self-empowered individuals. They are assured of their skill sets,
know their strengths and assets, and certainly recognize that their past accomplishment
is a predictor of future success. For some reason though, they engage in what
can be described as “station keeping” or a holding pattern. They do not fail
but neither do they succeed at the altitudes they are truly capable of. It is
as if they are waiting for something. They are inexplicably holding themselves
back. Perhaps they are waiting for the perfect conditions or opportunities to
manifest, but the challenge is that is a passive posture. While they are
waiting for the ideal, they are missing out on the opportunities that are right
in front of them.
I
have asked many of a student and client, “What are you waiting for?” Immediately,
they provide a litany of self-limiting reasons such as not enough time, this would
mean more work, or a desire to master the present before moving on to the
future. The problem with such rationalizations is that you can find yourself
waiting a long time. Inevitably, that same person will get back to me a few
weeks later and say something to the effect of “you know, I was thinking about
what I was waiting for, and for the life of me, I couldn’t think of one truly
valid reason.” This is an incredibly important insight because as the late Richard
Bole, author of What Color is Your Parachute shared, “we must define our
lives now or life’s inertia will certainly do it for us!”
It
is my belief that if there is something we truly want, then we will find the
energy, time, and will do it, much like Nimsdai Purja. You see, it is the foundational
things that fuel accomplishment that are always in abundant supply. We will always
find the emotional, psychological, and physical energy to gain that we truly
want.
If
you find yourself in such a holding pattern, try asking yourself these
questions:
What
am I waiting for?
What
do I need in the future that I do not already have now?
Is
the knowledge, energy, time, etc. that I am thinking I need really a
restraining element or just an excuse?
What
would happen if I just created some movement in the direction of this new goal
or aspiration?
Now more than ever, we need
leaders who can operate at altitude. They can see the bigger picture, beyond narrowly
defined options and cynical partisanship. They can think of solutions that benefit
all of us and not just some of us. They can operate under a “both, and” mentality
versus the opportunity crushing “either, or.” We need leaders who can see beyond
the immediate and project solutions for the future. We need leaders to ask
their students, teams, and colleagues questions they will not or cannot ask
themselves. We need leaders who will encourage us to attempt and challenge us
to not hold back.
So, what are you not attempting?
What are you holding back?
As always if I can help you and
the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite
you to contact me.
Yours in leadership,
Bill Faulkner
Independent Coach, Speaker,
and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team TM
Certified DISC Profile System
Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach
Certified Designing Your Life
Coach
Email
= bill@outloudinc.com
Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com
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John Maxwell Team, please visit
http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/
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