The two-word phrase that is holding you back!
As
a coach and trainer, it is imperative that I not only listen to my students and
clients, but that I attend to specific word-use. It is very the words that we
use and often tell ourselves that can and does have a significant impact on how
we view our potential, progress, and very futures. I was thinking out loud
about this when it suddenly occurred to me after a number of interactions that
there is a subtle, yet incredibly limiting two-word phrase that limits us – “Yes,
but.”
One
of the key components in executive coaching is developing options in
conjunction with the client in light of certain scenarios. More often than not,
this can be an effective strategy but sometimes the options intended to move us
forward can be derailed by a simple “yes, but.” For instance, we may be talking
about a work reorganization or task work around and then all of a sudden the
“yes, but” manifests. Yes, but my manager will never go for this. Yes,
but I am not sure the resources are there. Yes, but it will create
too much change. See how this works? Before we have even explored possibilities
we have defaulted back to probabilities. Before we have even seriously
considered the viability of an idea, a path forward, or a new reality, we have
stopped any forward progress in its tracks, all because of this simple yet
self-limiting two-word phrase.
What
makes this challenging is the almost unconscious two-word interplay. The “yes”
indicates a cognitive agreement that the option or new strategy is a good idea,
necessary, or even viable. However, the “but” stops us cold. It causes us to immediately
shut-down progress since all we can perceive is the downside. This is a classic
problem-identification versus problem-solving mindset. What makes
this even more self-defeating is that such, “but” beliefs are often not
grounded in a firm reality. They are just what we believe may happen
versus what actually will. How do you know your manager will be opposed to the
idea without even hearing your proposal? Are you sure you the resources are not
there? Maybe folks will actually welcome a change!
Allow
me to present another strategy proposed by Shirzad Charmine, author of Positive
Intelligence. Shirzad encourages us to break our “yes, but” programming and
try a new phrase instead “Yes, and.” YES this could work AND I am going
to present a one-page summary of the idea to my manager. YES, we are resource
strapped AND I will come up with a way to scale this idea to implement in
phases. YES, this is a good idea AND I know just who to talk to in order to get
the buy-in for the change. See how this works? One approach is self-defeating
while the other is self-empowering!
According
to Gallup, strengths-based development is contrary to this “yes, but”
mentality. Essentially, identifying the downside of every possibility may
prevent failure but a “yes, and” mindset leads to success. Again, it is all
about a change in perspective. Are you playing to win or simply playing not to
lose? I encourage a bit of self-coaching the next time you are encountering a
possibility. Yes, I would like a promotion but I am not sure I am qualified –
as I am constantly telling my students and clients, it is someone else’s job to
tell you “no.” Yes, I would like to take on a leadership role but I am not sure
I am ready – trust me, no one is fully prepared to take on the responsibility
for the lives of others and as long as you lead with positive intent, you will
be more than ready enough!
In
the final analysis, words have power and the words we tell ourselves have
tremendous influence on our self-perception that impacts our behaviors and
eventually our results. Often it is not other people or situations that hold us
back, it is our very self-limiting behaviors and mindsets that do. Try this for
just a few weeks. The next time you catch yourself using the “yes, but” phrase,
stop yourself and substitute a “yes, and” alternative. See what happens!
As always if I can help you and
the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite
you to contact me.
Yours in leadership,
Bill Faulkner
Independent Coach, Speaker,
and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team TM
Certified DISC Profile System
Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach
Certified Designing Your Life
Coach
Email
= bill@outloudinc.com
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