When we NAME a fear, anxiety, or challenge, we start to take away its power over us!

As a coach, clients will often share with me their wins and successes since we last met. Those are great interactions, and I celebrate their success. Sometimes, though, we need to address some very serious issues and concerns. These are tough conversations but that does not make them any less important. These issues are vexing to them for very legitimate reasons. This has me thinking out loud lately about strategies to help individuals and leaders start to confront these concerns, fears, and challenges. This is where the power of NAMING it comes into play.

Dr. Timothy Butler, in his book entitled Getting Unstuck, highlighted William Blake, the noted English poet and artist, who applied the psychological dynamic of NAMING a fear or anxiety especially in the earlier building part of his career. He would personify his fears and concerns so that he could treat them as characters in a play and make them recognizable. In doing so, he was better able to deal with them. Specifically, there were fears of lack and scarcity as he was trying to establish himself in his literary career while providing for his family.

Dr. Butler builds upon this concept to reveal the harsh internal critic that hampers us using the name, The Accuser. Sherzad Chamine in his Positive Intelligence coaching system calls this internal critic “The Judge” who acts as the primary saboteur that hinders us. One of my favorite coaches and speakers, Paul Martinelli, simply refers to this as “Mr. Ugly.”

Whatever you call it, Dr. Butler points out this internal critic as one that speaks AGAINST the human impulse to grow and flourish. It is the Voice that tells us we have failed, we are inadequate, made the wrong decisions, or is somehow otherwise unworthy. This voice stops us from taking actions that would otherwise allow us to experience new opportunities and possibilities. NAMING it, therefore, is the first step in overcoming the internal or external challenges we face. In doing so, we prevent ourselves from internalizing this critic to the point where it becomes just “who we are” versus the unwelcome and outside intruder it really is. In other words, when we NAME and label a fear, anxiety, challenge, or concern, we start to take away its power over us.

 Action Strategy to Overcome:

As you often hear, the first step is often the most difficult. Once we have named our fear, then, what do we do next? Drawing heavily upon Dr. Butler's excellent work, here are some possible action steps:

·        NAME it – as I have shared, it is critical to just get it out there in the light of day and identify or name it – failure, layoff, job loss, health issue, failing relationship, and my emerging personal favorite, ageism!

·        Next, RECOGGNIZE but DO NOT buy in to what this fear is attempting to tell you with false narratives such as:

o    You should have known better

o    You do not have the qualifications for that new role

o    You are too old to start again or to seek something better

·         UNDERSTAND what the fear is attempting to say to you and how it is harming you.

o    In young professionals, the harm could take the form of diminished self-confidence

o    More mature professionals approaching the mid-point of their careers become susceptible to feelings of lack of accomplishment or progression

o    Older workers nearing the completion of their formal working life may tend to devalue their very real contributions to the workplace and beyond such as providing for a great family, service to others, staying true to their faith, creations of art and music, etc. because those items do not “count” in a toxic “scoring system” of an unhealthy workplace or indicators of success in the Influencer world!

·         Search for other VOICES that do not share the opinions of the internal critic either inside or external to you. These can be friends, colleagues, family, or partners who have witnessed in real-time your value and contributions.

·        INTERNALIZE that this fear is NOT YOU so that you are more able to differentiate between this artificial and inaccurate critic and the truly capable and accomplished YOU.

·        Avoid looking for CONFIRMATION BIAS that the critic is even close to being right or accurate. Why give it any power over you?

·        Identify and REFLECT upon your PEAK EXPERIENCES that provide actual and documented confirmation of your skills and abilities.

·        IGNORE the false narrative. In other words, just as you should never attempt to have an intellectual debate with someone who has had too many Old Fashioneds, you should also not get into a debate with Mr. Ugly!

·        FOCUS on others. I have often found that when I take the focus off myself and use my time and energy to help others, the fear tends to dissipate.

·        Always, take POSTIVE ACTIONS that move you closer to your goal. Doing so will release dopamine in our brain chemistry that is responsible for feelings of well-being.

Trust me, challenges, fears, anxiety and other concerns can be debilitating. They can often overwhelm and eclipse the parts of our lives that are going well. There is nothing wrong with getting professional assistance during these times. As speaker and author John Maxwell often shares, “no one does anything great alone!” I am serious about this y’all, NAME that sucker and punch it in the throat as I hear the young people say! You are stronger than any fear. Maxwell also shares that you can have faith, or you can have fear, it all depends on which one you feed!

As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with Maxwell Leadership^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

Requiem for a College: The Power of Place in our Lives.

 

Isn’t interesting how a physical location can impact us? A recent occurrence in my life has me thinking out loud how a location in a quiet part of North Carolina, USA can elicit just such a phenomenon.

Spaces can have incredible meaning for us. The grandeur of a National Park. The sentimentality of our childhood homes. That restaurant that was the location of the first date with someone that eventually becomes your spouse. A favorite watering hole that was the nexus of many good time memories, albeit some may be a little fuzzy! And you if you have been on social media lately, influencers are losing their selfie-stick minds over Universal Orlando’s Epic Universe!!

Spaces have the power to elicit visceral responses from us. A trip to Glacier National Park and onto the Canadian Rockies a couple years ago constantly filled me with awe and wonder of its stark beauty. Locations have the power to inspire, to motivate, to replenish, and to revive us. Sometimes, though, these places can become lost to us due to fire, natural disaster, new ownership, or they just slowly fade away.

My undergraduate college was just such a place for me. Growing up in Georgia, I was fully anticipating attending the University of Georgia. It was just what you did, half of your highschool went to Georgia Tech and the other half UGA. Then one day at a college fair, a fast-talking recruiter introduced me to St. Andrews Presbyterian College located in the small town of Laurinburg situated in the Sandhills region of North Carolina (thirty minutes or so south of Southern Pines for golf fans). I had never heard of the college, but something moved me to take a different path, to see what I could do on my own so I decided to take a visit. The day of my visit was a college recruiters dream, modern architecture, well-kept grounds, dogwoods in bloom, and a bunch of young people enjoying a warm spring day without adult supervision – UGA would wait!

St. Andrews provided me an incredible educational experience. We were taught by tenured faculty who were well known in their fields but wanted to actually teach and interact with undergraduates. We read Great Books. Who would have imagined a bunch of sophomores would still be debating Descartes or Thoreau in the 1980’s? We all lived on campus and ate our meals in a common cafeteria and, gasp, actually talked to each other! It wasn’t perfect, we certainly disagreed and argued, griped about the workload, we lost hot water for part of a winter, and wished we did not have to share a bathroom with 12 other people. But we learned to become independent (we were from all over), to work out our differences mostly peacefully, and to look out for each other at a nearby biker bar that had “college night” which is a whole other story! St. Andrews was what some researchers call an “under-manned” environment so most of us were involved in some organization or department on campus just to help keep the place running.

Sadly, I learned this week that St. Andrews will have to cease operations after May graduation. A long history of deferred maintenance and administrative missteps became exasperated when the area experienced two hurricanes in quick succession. The subsequent damage (and lack of adequate insurance) ripped the heart out of the place. Students and their parents could hardly be blamed for not wanting to attend an institution in such disrepair, especially in this era where college and universities wage an amenities arms race against each other.

In an unintended way, St. Andrews became a victim of its own success. Many of us went on to attend graduate schools because we were very well prepared academically but in the final analysis, we adopted the values, intentions, and curriculum that emphasized an orientation to a life of service and our eventual professions reflected that. As one of our faculty shared with me when we were catching up during a past reunion, “Bill, you guys have all these interesting jobs that unfortunately do not pay that much!” You see St. Andrews did not graduate many hedge-fund heroes or Wall Street tycoons. We are educators, artists, therapists, physicians, writers, and allied health care providers. We are researchers, small business owners and local administrators. Wonderful jobs that unfortunately did not produce that unicorn donor.

The moral of the story is that if such a place holds such value and meaning to you, then go visit as often as you can. If there is currently no such place for you, then go find one. It can be natural or constructed, just as long as the art, music, people, technology, and/or other wonders it contains rejuvenates and empowers you.

Thank you for allowing me to depart from my usual content and share this story that I believe is worth being told. A story of heroic staff and faculty that sacrificed much to keep the lights on. The story of generations of graduates that took a road less traveled by attending St. Andrews and continue to impact others. The story of this quirky university in the Sandhills that continued to inspire, educate, prepare and change lives until the very end. What more could the founders have really asked? Wasn’t that really the point? At the end of the day, it was not about the buildings, labs, classrooms, sport fields, equestrian rings, and grounds but rather it is the human capital all those facilities produced that really matters. What was created in these spaces will long out live them.

I do believe that even though the doors will soon close, the spirit of St. Andrews lives on in the people who studied, lived and worked there. You will see it in classrooms, laboratories, hospitals, churches, and businesses all over world as evidenced by the lives changed for the better.

Perhaps the last lesson St. Andrews has taught me is that even though it was bruised and battered, maybe starting to show its age just a little, St. Andrews hung on to its purpose until it could do so no more. I intend to do the same.

Hail all hail to thee our Alma Mater!

Bold thy banner waving o’er us!

Let each loyal son and daughter

Proudly stand and raise the chorus:

From ol’ Scotia’s lofty lands

To Carolina’s gentle plain.

Now thy noble name St. Andrews

Every glorious shall remain!

 

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with Maxwell Leadership^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc

 

 

What do you people want from me?!?! Actually, not as much as you think!

I have always said, in a semi-serious way, that leadership would be easy if it was not for all these people! As leaders, understanding and meeting the needs of followers is a vexing task. I often think out loud about this and fortunately, the Gallup organization just may have some answers for us.

Recently, as a credentialed Gallup Strengths Coach, I had the opportunity to participate in Gallup’s annual Learning Week for certified coaches. It was an incredible week of insights and strategies as to how to best coach leaders and professionals anchoring on the Clifton Strengths Assessment. As part of the series, Gallup scientist, Dr. Jim Harter, presented groundbreaking research on the specific needs of followers. The results of his team’s global research indicated that there are four primary needs of followers which are presented as follows in numerical/statistical order.

1.Hope – as defined by the need to feel good about the future and for their leaders to know how to get us there. This is incredibly important so much so that Kouzes and Posner in their groundbreaking work, The Leadership Challenge, highlighted that the number one job of a leader is to provide hope, especially in times of challenge. Keep in mind, this does not infer that we ignore reality, the leader’s job is to define the reality. Rather, it is our job to face challenges head on and to enlist the help of our talented teams to generate ideas to overcome whatever is before us and model the belief that our collective efforts will see us through.

2. Trust – this focuses on the need followers have in their leaders that they are people of integrity and honesty. Steven M. Covey shares that the ability of a leader to gain trust among followers is an impact multiplier. In his book, Leadership at the Speed of Trust, Covey identifies the two vehicles of gaining trust are the leader’s competency and their character. I would further share that if your character is not solid, it makes no difference how competent, talented, etc. you are. Leaders who have multiple skills but lack integrity are really just well-organized dumpster fires! The words of John Maxwell ring true when he writes that “talent will get you in the door, but character keeps you in the room! “

3. Compassion – the knowledge that the follower is cared for and listened to. This should be an obvious one, but compassion alludes the leader who is just focused on their own reputation and results. Yes, they will certainly get the job done and hit their numbers but will leave a scorched earth of organizational turmoil and confusion. The irony is that such leaders miss the fact that it is how they treat others is a driver of success. Staff who just know their team leader care for them will increase their efforts in order to not let them down. This very attribute starts us on the way to becoming a Level 5 leader that Maxwell and Collins both write about. The Level 4 leader is viewed so positively due to their focus on people and their development.

4. Stability – the need for psychological safety and secure foundations, especially during times of uncertainty. I believe this need for stability can be further defined by two key leadership behaviors, first the need to be part of an organization where leadership actively works to help you feel safe. In an earlier blog, I referenced the phenomenon called the “Sunday Scaries” where research shows far too many employees dread starting the work week due to having to deal with a manager who instills fear versus safety. The second need is that of consistency. Leadership expert and author John Maxwell has embedded this concept in more of his recent writings and keynotes. Granted, consistency is not one of the flashiest of leadership competencies out there but there is nothing more stressful to a team member than to wonder who is showing up to work that day – calm and collected boss or grumpy bear boss! I believe consistency also speaks to stability in judgement and fairness. Are policies and expectations being applied fairly across team members or are some team members favored more than others? This does not mean we have to be perfect day in and day out, we just need to make the effort to be consistent in word and deed.

Dr. Harter’s research on the needs of followers also found that the most influential relationship working adults experience outside of that of family is the relationship we have with our managers. Let me stress that again so that this lands heavily on us, the most influential relationship we experience outside of our immediate family is the relationship between leader and follower. This is a relationship that therefore cannot be ignored and must not be taken for granted. It is not an option to ignore this research and what it tells us.

The good news is, we can lean into our Strengths (in this case as defined by Gallup’s Clifton Strengths Assessment), to meet these non-optional needs. Even for those whose Strengths do not roll up under the Relationship Building domain, your talents can assist with this. For instance, those with the Analytical talent can use your propensity to gather data on reasons or causes as to why a team member may be struggling. Your natural curiosity will lead you to ask questions and determine the best way to move forward. Those who hold the Discipline talent value routine and structure. I know of no better talent to make you factory equipped to address the need for Stability! See how this works?

The bottom line is understanding and meeting the needs of followers is not a nice to have, it is have to have. I would go far as to say it is both a professional or moral imperative that we do so.

In reflecting on these four needs of followers, I am reminded of three key questions that John Maxwell presented when we was invited to address the General Assembly of the United Nations a number of years ago. He shared followers internally ask of their leaders three questions:

•          Do you care for me?
•          Can I trust you?
•          Can you help me?

As leaders, we need to focus our attention on many things . . . tasks, deliverables, deadlines, strategy, etc. The issue is we often neglect to focus attention on the very people we need to make all those things happen – followers and team members. Understanding how to most effectively lead others to complete key tasks should always be top of mind, not down the list. I promise you; followers have no difficulty deciphering if they are just an afterthought. If, however, you can make it part of your life’s mission to answer the three questions presented above day in and day out, then you will be mighty and most certainly achieve Level 5 leader status. 

So in the documented analysis, followers are not really asking that much from us and in light of what they are asking for, is it really too much to ask? 

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Harter’s research, you can find the report as a free download from the Gallup organization: https://www.gallup.com/analytics/656315/leadership-needs-of-followers.aspx

If you would like to learn more about how you can identify, activate, and direct your (and your teams!) formidable leadership Strengths, I would enjoy our conversation. As always, if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.

Yours in leadership,

 

Bill Faulkner

Independent Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with Maxwell Leadership^TM

Certified DISC Profile System Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach

Certified Designing Your Life Coach

 

Email = bill@outloudinc.com

Visit our website at: www.outloudinc.com

For more information on the John Maxwell Team, please visit

http://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/williamfaulkner/

Feel free to “LIKE” our FB Page www.facebook.com/outloudinc