As a coach, clients will often share with me their wins and successes since we last met. Those are great interactions, and I celebrate their success. Sometimes, though, we need to address some very serious issues and concerns. These are tough conversations but that does not make them any less important. These issues are vexing to them for very legitimate reasons. This has me thinking out loud lately about strategies to help individuals and leaders start to confront these concerns, fears, and challenges. This is where the power of NAMING it comes into play.
Dr. Timothy Butler, in his book entitled Getting Unstuck, highlighted William Blake, the noted English poet and artist, who applied the psychological dynamic of NAMING a fear or anxiety especially in the earlier building part of his career. He would personify his fears and concerns so that he could treat them as characters in a play and make them recognizable. In doing so, he was better able to deal with them. Specifically, there were fears of lack and scarcity as he was trying to establish himself in his literary career while providing for his family.
Dr. Butler builds upon this concept to reveal the harsh internal critic that hampers us using the name, The Accuser. Sherzad Chamine in his Positive Intelligence coaching system calls this internal critic “The Judge” who acts as the primary saboteur that hinders us. One of my favorite coaches and speakers, Paul Martinelli, simply refers to this as “Mr. Ugly.”
Whatever you call it, Dr. Butler points out this internal critic as one that speaks AGAINST the human impulse to grow and flourish. It is the Voice that tells us we have failed, we are inadequate, made the wrong decisions, or is somehow otherwise unworthy. This voice stops us from taking actions that would otherwise allow us to experience new opportunities and possibilities. NAMING it, therefore, is the first step in overcoming the internal or external challenges we face. In doing so, we prevent ourselves from internalizing this critic to the point where it becomes just “who we are” versus the unwelcome and outside intruder it really is. In other words, when we NAME and label a fear, anxiety, challenge, or concern, we start to take away its power over us.
As you often hear, the first step is often the most difficult. Once we have named our fear, then, what do we do next? Drawing heavily upon Dr. Butler's excellent work, here are some possible action steps:
· NAME it – as I have
shared, it is critical to just get it out there in the light of day and identify
or name it – failure, layoff, job loss, health issue, failing relationship, and
my emerging personal favorite, ageism!
· Next, RECOGGNIZE but DO
NOT buy in to what this fear is attempting to tell you with false narratives
such as:
o You should have known better
o You do not have the qualifications for that
new role
o You are too old to start again or to seek something
better
·
UNDERSTAND what the
fear is attempting to say to you and how it is harming you.
o In young professionals, the harm could take
the form of diminished self-confidence
o More mature professionals approaching the
mid-point of their careers become susceptible to feelings of lack of
accomplishment or progression
o Older workers nearing the completion of their
formal working life may tend to devalue their very real contributions to the workplace
and beyond such as providing for a great family, service to others, staying
true to their faith, creations of art and music, etc. because those items do
not “count” in a toxic “scoring system” of an unhealthy workplace or indicators
of success in the Influencer world!
·
Search for other
VOICES that do not share the opinions of the internal critic either inside or
external to you. These can be friends, colleagues, family, or partners who have
witnessed in real-time your value and contributions.
· INTERNALIZE that this fear
is NOT YOU so that you are more able to differentiate between this artificial and
inaccurate critic and the truly capable and accomplished YOU.
· Avoid looking for CONFIRMATION
BIAS that the critic is even close to being right or accurate. Why give it any
power over you?
· Identify and REFLECT upon
your PEAK EXPERIENCES that provide actual and documented confirmation of your
skills and abilities.
· IGNORE the false narrative.
In other words, just as you should never attempt to have an intellectual debate
with someone who has had too many Old Fashioneds, you should also not get
into a debate with Mr. Ugly!
· FOCUS on others. I
have often found that when I take the focus off myself and use my time and energy
to help others, the fear tends to dissipate.
· Always, take POSTIVE ACTIONS
that move you closer to your goal. Doing so will release dopamine in our brain
chemistry that is responsible for feelings of well-being.
Trust me, challenges, fears, anxiety and other concerns can be debilitating. They can often overwhelm and eclipse the parts of our lives that are going well. There is nothing wrong with getting professional assistance during these times. As speaker and author John Maxwell often shares, “no one does anything great alone!” I am serious about this y’all, NAME that sucker and punch it in the throat as I hear the young people say! You are stronger than any fear. Maxwell also shares that you can have faith, or you can have fear, it all depends on which one you feed!
As always if I can help you and the people you associate with Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I invite you to contact me.
Yours in leadership,
Bill Faulkner
Independent Coach, Speaker,
and Trainer with Maxwell LeadershipTM
Certified DISC Profile System
Consultant and Gallup Strengths Coach
Certified Designing Your Life
Coach
Email
= bill@outloudinc.com
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