I go to a
lot of meetings. I mean a lot! So if you are like me you pretty much have a
Ph.D. in meeting attendance, I started thinking out loud about certain meeting
behaviors that as leaders, we should avoid in ourselves and definitely not
encourage in others. Here is a list of a few.
The bus thrower-under:
I cannot
tell you how many times I have been in a meeting discussing perhaps a more
contentious issue when all of a sudden someone will say. “I am not throwing
anyone under the bus, but . . . “ It’s that “but” that drives me nuts because
as soon as you say you are NOT, YOU ARE! SERIOUSLY, YOU MOST ASSUREDLY ARE! In
fact when you do it again and again, you become the Olympic bus thrower-under!
The point is this, just saying you are “not” doing so does not absolve
you from the responsibility or REALLY doing so! In the end, it is
nothing but toxic behavior because once the statement is made about someone
(more than likely not in the meeting!) it cannot be unsaid and stays out there.
The
Solution: Engage in what author Dr. Tim Elmore calls reverse gossip. In other words talking positively about
someone behind their back!
The devil’s
advocate:
This is
another really annoying meeting role someone takes on. There you are as a group
about to reach consensus on an important decision then all of a sudden you hear
this “I don’t mean to be the devil’s advocate here but …” Again, with the
“buts”! Here someone is just trying to derail all the hard work that just
occurred, usually in an effort to make them seem more relevant or to steer the
group back to his or her point of view.
The
Solution: Next time you hear someone say this, respond the way I was taught by
Paul Martinelli, President of John Maxwell Team. Paul encourages us to say
simply “Then Don’t”. Paul can be a little direct at times! Seriously, if you
don’t want to do or be something, then just
don’t’!
The point
disguised as a question asker:
I know
you can think of many other irritating (a.k.a. counter-productive) meeting
behaviors but the last one I will leave you with this the point or agenda
disguised as a question asker. Here, someone who does not want to appear as negative or not a team player
will ask a question or a series of questions that does not really contain a
request for information but rather a point or agenda they wish to express in
stealth mode.
The
Solution: Sometimes when this occurs, I will ask, “Is that a question or a
statement, either is fine, just let me know.”
Obviously
I am attempting to have some fun with this but is important as leaders that we
are modeling healthy, productive meeting behaviors. As author Dr. Henry Cloud
reminds us, cultures are created by what the leader allows or creates.
If you
have other annoying meeting behaviors you want to share, I would love to hear
from you. Maybe I will post them on my twitter feed – if that will not be too
annoying!
As always, if I can help you and the people you associate with
Get Better, Be Ready and LEAD OUT LOUD, I would love to hear from you. Also, as
a bonus, if you go to my Out Loud Strategies website (www.outloudinc.com) and enter your contact information, I will
send you a FREE guide to establishing a mentoring initiative program in your
organization! Such an initiative would be critical in order to add value to
your organization!
Yours
in Leadership,
Bill
Faulkner
Co-Founder
– Out Loud Strategies
Independent
Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team TM
Email = bill@outloudinc.com
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