A tribute to someone you never knew.

I am taking a slight detour this week to honor a good friend and colleague who passed away recently. You probably never knew her, but you will have wished you had. Our relationship and time together got me thinking out loud about a lot of things that I think hold relevance to our lives and leadership. As per her final wishes she wanted no memorial or services. That was so like her. But as she would expect from me, I can’t leave it like that. Once more, again, I am going to “disobey” her wishes just a little!

Dr. Gay Holliday worked her entire career in Higher Education administration. At first glance you would dismiss this woman of diminutive stature (I don’t think she was even 5’5” tall and weighed maybe around 100 lbs.) but you did so to your absolute peril. We shared a wall between our offices for almost 8 years and I observed many a cocky student walk in her office to walk out humbled and remorseful. As she would sometimes tell people, “You don’t want to mess with me!” No, no you didn’t.

She never married or had any children, but she left a legacy that will outlast most of us. She raised a few thousand undergraduates and hundreds of graduate students. She taught as many life lessons as she did formal classroom ones. Here are the major ones.

Never Waste People

I started working with Gay when I joined Nova Southeastern University as an Assistant Dean. During our tenure working together, we did not always agree. We didn’t have to. We did not believe the same things or hold the same world views. We didn’t have to. We did not even approach our work the same way. We didn’t have to. The ONLY thing we had to do was at the end of the day value and respect each other. And we did. In this day and age of “us/them” politics Gay’s example teaches us that you never waste a relationship. We always worked things out and she NEVER gave up on me. How many of us are still willing to do the same these days?

Gay believed IN, WITH, and FOR people. Gay valued her friends and colleagues. We were her family and she treated us like that. She never wasted people, instead she did the all to rare thing and invested in people.

Never lead in a way other than that of Servant Leadership

Gay was the consummate Servant Leader albeit more of the tough love variety! Gees, should could be tough on people. It’s not that she was unreasonable. It was more of a case that she had high expectations of her students and colleagues and she knew when you were not putting forth your best effort.

At the same time, she would do any and everything to help someone to succeed. I often worked late but Gay would work even later in order to meet with a student or staff member on their schedule, not hers. She would challenge, mentor, encourage, hug, and scold (often all at the same time!) so that you would be the best version of yourself. She was one of those people you would actually thank for having a “frank and open” conversation with you because you know it came from a place of love and not anger or condemnation.  

Never Surrender

I left NSU in January of 2016 to seek new horizons. Gay retired that May but soon after was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was a long-time smoker and, though I should not have, I would get a kick hearing her announce she was headed to an “off campus meeting” when what she was really doing was walk to a spot just outside the campus boundary to smoke a cigarette. She knew we were all worried about her smoking, so she just made sure we did not see it.

Unfortunately, it finally caught up to her. We would still meet for lunch every 3 months or so and as I watched her get frailer and weaker, we would tell stories about past and current students. I would tell funny stories on me about my job-search or consulting practice exploits to keep her spirits up. There was no pretension with Gay and she knew how challenging some of these experiences were for me, but she laughed and encouraged me anyway.

The last time we had lunch she was looking better and told me the harsh treatments had stopped the spread of cancer and stabilized her condition. She and cancer were in a stand-off, but she could literally and metaphorically live with that. Like I said, she was small in stature but huge in heart and grit fighting cancer with a will and determination that would put a Navy SEAL to shame.

Shortly after our last lunch, however, things started to turn for the worst. She gave it all she had until she could not give anymore. Here’s the thing, though, she never complained to me or anyone, never got depressed and never willingly surrendered. What an example to all of us! What dignity and strength!

But ALWAYS Trust the Process

If you heard it once you heard Gay teach her favorite lesson hundreds of times. Trust the Process! Gay knew that life was messy and often did not turn out the way we wished. She did know, however, is that things always worked out in the end.

Her point in saying this to us is that if you work hard, put forth your best intention, and remain patient, it will all work out the way it is supposed to. She knew instant success was counterfeit success. The truly valuable things in life were those that were hard earned and rare to come by. Personal qualities like wisdom, compassion, and vision of better ways of leading and working were her stock in trade. Such things have to be learned through a process of trial and error and reflection. Even when situations and people got tense, Gay would reassure us all with her “trust the process” refrain.

Again, you probably did not know Dr. Holliday, but she taught many of us valuable lessons and now she just taught you! This is my tribute to you Dr. Gay Holliday. I know it is ticking you off as I write this, but you know me . . . you also know I have an irreverent sense of humor and I mean no offense to the Almighty but to borrow from that classic line in the movie City Slickers I offer this short eulogy – Dear Lord, we give you Gay, try not to mess with her!

Thank you for all the life lessons. You will be missed but what you did in life will echo in eternity. Your impact in lives of others will last for a long time to come because of the lessons you taught the next generation of leaders.

Yours sincerely,

Bill Faulkner